Two Hearts, One Soul
by ennisjackgal
Summary: Canon series set in 1963 on Brokeback Mountain. Ennis and Jack have to herd sheep together during their summer job, but they end up with much more than they bargained for.
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1**

_May 7th, 1963_

"Another one?" Jack asked, and Ennis shook his head. He was still on his first beer, not being used to the stuff; Jack had had two bottles already.

Ennis wasn't sure about Jack. He was a lot different than anybody else he'd ever met so far, and he was slightly intimidated by the other man's confidence. Jack was a very nice guy, and maybe they could be friends while working together. That would certainly make things run smoothly during their summer job up on the mountain. They had already talked a little about where they were from and their families, and he had borrowed Jack's lighter. When their fingers had touched, he thought he could feel a slight tingle of something. He brushed it off as not yet being used to Jack and thought no more of it.

Jack ordered another beer and Ennis wondered if he was trying to get drunk already. They had no money for the motel and Aguirre hadn't said anything about where they would be staying tonight. Maybe they could sleep in Jack's truck, if Jack allowed him to.

"Um...wanted to ask you somethin'," he mumbled, and Jack turned those bright blue eyes on him. "Aguirre didn't say nothin' about where we're sleepin', did he?"

Jack shook his head. "No, he didn't...tell you what, though. You can sleep in the truck if you want."

"Ain't it only one seat?" Ennis asked unsurely; he didn't know how he felt about sleeping so close to someone he barely knew. Jack shrugged.

"Still plenty of room for both of us. I ain't gonna rob you, ya know," he added with a grin. Ennis looked away; he couldn't meet Jack's piercing gaze for very long.

Jack's grin faded slightly; he was only trying to be friendly. Ennis was certainly a very difficult person to talk to, but he wasn't deterred. He reminded himself that they could only be friends; there couldn't be a repeat of last year's mistakes. Still, it would be nice to have a friend up there even if they never became anything more.

He saw Ennis picking at the label on his solitary bottle and wondered why he hadn't drunk any more. Maybe Ennis was from the kind of family where drinking was a sin or something; he used to sneak his father's whiskey until he got the job last year and could afford it himself. There was a bottle in the truck that he was planning to take up with him; maybe after a few mouthfuls even Ennis would be able to talk more.

"So, um...where you livin' right now?" he asked, remembering that Ennis's family's ranch had been taken back by the bank.

"Was livin' in the bunkhouse of the ranch I was workin' on," Ennis replied. "Down in Sage. That's where my folks' ranch was."

Jack nodded. "I live with my folks, up in Lightnin' Flat. Ever been around there?"

"No...what's it like?"

"Ain't much to look at," Jack admitted. "Kinda barren. Always wanted to get outta there when I was a kid. From my room, I can see the path that leads away from the house an' the ranch. Used to be that I'd sit by the window an' wonder what was out there. Started bull ridin' when I turned eighteen, did it mostly in the spring. Then I did my first summer on Brokeback last year...then worked on my old man's ranch until now. Hopin' to get enough money so that I won't have to live there much longer, you know?"

Ennis nodded, taking it all in. For some reason, he liked how much Jack talked. Everybody he knew was quiet and reserved, especially Alma. At first he'd thought it was perfect for him because he was so quiet, but now he wished he had more people like Jack around him. Perhaps they could be friends, even after this summer.

They spent the day in the bar, Ennis eventually having more than one beer as they talked. He didn't have much to offer by way of conversation, but he liked listening to Jack. He had a feeling that this job would be far more enjoyable than any other he'd ever had, and he couldn't wait for them to get started the next morning.

It was dark when they left, and a glance at the watch Aguirre had given him told Ennis that it was almost eleven at night. Jack led him back to the truck and they got inside, Ennis keeping his distance from Jack. What if they moved around in the night, and ended up a lot closer? He would be mortified and Jack would be sure to kick him out. Ennis thought about Earl and why he'd been killed; he just couldn't run the risk of that happening to him.

Jack took his jacket off and put it behind his head, glancing over at Ennis curiously. His new colleague was very quiet and shy, but Jack liked how they could still talk. Maybe he would be able to draw Ennis out a little as time went on, but he still had to remind himself that they could only be friends. For all he knew, Ennis could have a girl back in Sage.

Ennis was soon asleep, but Jack was restless. The familiar feeling of attraction was flaring up inside him again; he'd felt it earlier that day when he'd first seen Ennis, and now it was back. He bit his lip and tried to make himself sleep, but it wasn't working. He slowly reached out with a trembling hand, as if to touch Ennis's curls near his ear, but then drew it back for fear of detection. Ennis would surely not respond to any such advances, and he had to keep his distance. He shook his head and closed his eyes, trying to ignore the feelings in his stomach. Why did they have to pair him with somebody who it was so very easy to fall for?


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

_May 8th, 1963_

Ennis noticed that Jack was unusually quiet on the way to the drop-off point the next morning. He wondered if it the effect of too many beers the night before; he wasn't feeling particularly awake either.

In reality, Jack was thinking about the night before and how he had almost caressed Ennis's curls. He couldn't allow that to happen again, especially if Ennis caught him at it. He had to keep his feelings to himself.

When they reached the drop-off point, they saw that some Chilean shepherds were counting the sheep and preparing the horses for the summer. Jack headed over to the horses and started looking over them, trying to decide which one to take. Ennis went over to the sheep and looked over at them, wondering how on earth they were supposed to control so many.

He vaguely listened as the Basque told him about not ordering soup and mumbled something about how he didn't eat soup. Then he stood up and noticed Jack on top of a mare, trying to get himself settled. She was clearly very temperamental and he had a feeling that she would buck Jack off at some point.

"You wanna watch it there," he called over to Jack. "That horse has got a low startle point." Jack turned her to face Ennis, a look of stubborn determination on his face.

"Doubt there's a filly that can throw me," he shot back, trying to keep her still. "Let's get unless you wanna sit around tyin' knots all day." Ennis turned away as Jack continued to wrestle against the mare's attempts to buck him off. He still wasn't sure about his new colleague.

Eventually, they managed to get the sheep and horses ready for the journey up the mountain. Jack had taken to the blue heelers that were with them and Ennis wondered if he'd ever had a dog as a kid. Their family had never had pets; his father had thought that animals should be working or else they were useless. Any dogs on their old ranch had never been allowed in the house.

The weather was beautiful and the scenery was certainly interesting. Ennis was fascinated, being used to flat areas where everything was the same, and he was slightly envious of Jack who had seen this before.

They reached a river and the sheep were very reluctant to cross; Jack ended up dismounting and helping them across, one sheep splayed around his shoulders as he waded through the water. Ennis stayed to the back of the group, whistling to the dogs for their help and eventually they managed to cross the river, though Ennis could hear Jack muttering about the sheep under his breath. They continued to head up the mountain with little trouble, and Ennis found himself looking around with interest; he had a feeling that he would like working here. He did feel sorry for Jack, who as herder had to sleep out with the sheep away from camp.

When they finally reached their first camp, they saw to it that the sheep were settled in before preparing the campsite. While taking a break, Ennis sat with the dogs and watched Jack clipping the hooves of one of the lambs. He wondered why Jack was being so quiet today; surely the hangover had worn off by now? But Jack still seemed to be keeping his distance and Ennis wasn't about to initiate conversation.

"You alright?" he called over to his colleague, who looked up at him.

"Yeah, sure," Jack replied, nodding and looking puzzled. He knew that he'd been quieter than usual today, and this was because he didn't want Ennis to guess how he was feeling right now. If Ennis figured it out, he would either leave the mountain or punch his lights out. They could never be friends if Ennis found out that Jack was attracted to him.

After a short while, they started making camp together. They chopped the wood and Jack gathered water from the nearby stream, both of them silent as they worked. In spite of himself, Jack couldn't help but look at Ennis; both of them had removed their jackets by now and Ennis had rolled his sleeves up, exposing strong muscled arms. Jack swallowed and looked away, trying to act as normal as possible.

They spent the day lying around the campsite, eating and smoking as the day wore on. Jack had decided to go back to the sheep when the sun started to set, wanting to enjoy the comforts of camp as much as he could.

"See you in the mornin' then," he said to Ennis as he mounted the mare, hoping that he wouldn't get bucked off. Ennis nodded and watched him go, feeling lonely now without another person there. He did like Jack and part of him hoped that they could be friends.

Jack rode in silence, hating how he had to do this. He didn't care about how it might help Aguirre save money; this was against the rules and it meant a cold, lonely night in a tent that he despised the smell of. He wanted to be back in camp with Ennis, perhaps even in the tent with him where it was warm...

_Stop it, _he scolded himself, pressing the mare forward. _You can't let yourself think like that. You can be friends with him, but that's it. No more._

He reached the sheep and put the tent up with a scowl on his face, hating every minute of this. When he was at least satisfied with it, he sat down and lit another smoke, staring out at the hundreds of sheep before him. He looked across the valley, where he could see the firelight of the main camp. He wondered what Ennis was doing right now, if he was thinking of him. Maybe they could really be friends without him screwing everything up, like last year. Jack shook his head and looked away, trying not to think about that head of blonde curls or those deep brown eyes.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

_May 12th, 1963_

Ennis was only half-listening as Jack complained about Aguirre and how he had to sleep with the sheep. He'd soon learned to just leave Jack to it. Despite that, he still liked Jack and wanted to be friends with him; maybe as the summer wore on things would settle down.

He had told Jack about Alma and how they were getting married when the job was over. Jack didn't respond, but he did feel a slight twinge of disappointment to learn that Ennis did indeed have a girl back home.

"Ain't got no right makin' us do somethin' that's against the rules," he muttered, changing the subject swiftly. Ennis looked at him but said nothing; why had Jack suddenly changed the subject like that?

"Well...he might reckon it'll save him money," he replied, poking the fire with the stick. Jack shrugged.

"I don't give a shit," he said bluntly. "Freezin' out there at night with them sheep."

Ennis remained silent; he didn't really know how to respond to Jack's constant complaining. He knew that Jack didn't have to sleep out there on his own last year, but still. He figured that Jack would be used to the job by now. Jack had briefly told him about the guy he worked with the year before, but he hadn't revealed much. If anything, Ennis got the impression that Jack knew more than he was letting on, and that was strange to him. Jack usually talked at length about things and he couldn't understand why Jack was being so tight-lipped now.

"Might be warmer next month," he offered, trying to placate Jack. His colleague shook his head.

"I dunno, maybe." They ate the beans that Ennis had cooked for them, and Jack finally stopped bitching about Aguirre and the rules. Ennis didn't know, but Jack was trying to distract himself from his growing attraction. The fact that Ennis had a fiancée surely meant that he was out of bounds, and Jack was doing his best not to let his feelings get the better of him. It was just easier to sit and complain about Aguirre than to wonder if anything could ever happen with Ennis.

Part of him was actually glad that they slept apart; he was starting to dream of Ennis while in that cold tent and his thoughts were certainly less than pure. He glanced over at Ennis, remembering his dream of seeing the other man naked and waiting for him in the main tent. They hadn't got far in his dreams, hadn't even kissed, but he knew it was only a matter of time before they progressed to that level. After kissing, there was only one further level for them to get to and he wasn't sure that he wanted to contemplate that. For one thing, he didn't think it would happen in real life and he hated being disappointed. He had to try and keep his dreams separate from the rest of the time and just try to be friends with Ennis.

After breakfast, Jack got up on the mare once more and tried to control her, hoping not to get bucked off. He didn't care about the pain; he'd fallen off bulls plenty of times and was used to it. But he was worried what Ennis would think if he couldn't even stay on his horse.

Ennis watched him as the mare stomped around, marvelling at how Jack was managing to stay on. _Maybe he's used to it from bull ridin', _he thought to himself, adjusting the breakfast dishes in his hands. Jack whirled the mare around and looked up; their eyes met across the campsite and Jack prayed that Ennis didn't think any less of him. He managed to turn her and headed off, leaving Ennis alone.

Ennis watched him go to make sure he was okay, and then set about clearing the dishes. It was strange, but every time Jack left the camp he was lonely. He didn't like being on his own with nobody to talk to, and a part of him wished that Jack didn't have to spend so much time with the sheep. He'd never had a friend like Jack before and wanted to know more about him.

While cleaning the dishes in the river, he looked up at the sound of thunder, wondering if it was going to rain. He looked towards where the sheep were and could just make out a speck on the mountainside; Jack was moving amongst the sheep on his horse. Part of him wanted to get up on his own horse and join Jack up there, and he didn't quite understand why.

Up on the mountainside, Jack walked around while trying to figure out his feelings for Ennis. He knew there was an attraction on his part, but he had no idea how Ennis might feel. Besides, Ennis was engaged and that was a huge deal; Jack didn't want anybody to get hurt just because he couldn't control his feelings.

As he walked, he spotted movement in the trees; a coyote had appeared. Knowing that his pay packet would suffer if there were any losses, he grabbed the rifle and crouched down, taking aim. He wasn't the best shot in the world, but he tried. The rifle missed and the coyote slunk away.

"Damn," he cursed, standing up. "Shit..." _Now what? That thing's gonna get a sheep if we ain't careful. Ennis is probably a better shot. _

There he was again, turning his thoughts towards Ennis once more. He shook his head and turned away, trying to think about something else.

Ennis was sat around camp whittling at a piece of wood that he'd found. He thought that he'd heard a gunshot and wondered if Jack had shot a coyote; he hoped that they wouldn't have too much trouble with those predators. He looked around for a moment and then returned to his work, thinking about Jack and what he might be doing right now. 


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

_May 16th, 1963_

Ennis urged the pack mule along, hoping to get back to camp soon. As a friendly gesture, he had decided to order soup for Jack even though he himself didn't like it. He tried to tell himself that it was only to keep Jack from complaining about beans again, but deep down he knew that it was because he wanted to be friends with the other man.

He hadn't liked the look on the Basque's face when he'd handed over the list, especially when he'd pointed out that Ennis didn't eat soup. It was as if he was trying to guess why Ennis was so determined to do something nice for Jack. Ennis wanted them to be friends and that was it, he told himself. There simply couldn't be anything else; that was what had gotten Earl killed and he didn't want that to happen to him. Besides, Alma was waiting for him at home and he had promised to marry her; he couldn't back out of that now.

As he neared the river, he turned to see a large bear fishing with its paws. He let out a low gasp and pulled on the horse's reins, trying to back away. The bear roared and frightened the horse, making it rear up, and Ennis fell to the ground.

With pain shooting through him, he looked up and managed to scramble away from the bear, after the horses. To his dismay, he saw that the mule had also gone; so was the food. He groaned and ran after the horse.

"Come back here!" he yelled, running through the trees. They just couldn't lose the food.

By nightfall, Jack was starting to worry. Ennis had taken a lot longer than he should at collecting this week's supplies, and he hoped that nothing had happened. At first he'd been pissed off to find nothing but beans in camp, but now he was concerned for Ennis's well-being. With nothing else to do, he drank his whiskey and waited.

When Ennis did finally appear, Jack was both angry and relieved to see him in one piece. A part of him felt like kissing Ennis to see that he was safe, and he tried to restrain himself. Something like that would not be welcome, he knew.

He handed the bottle to Ennis and removed his bandana, dipping it into the hot water and reaching to Ennis. He carefully started to dab at the blood but Ennis grabbed the material from him, their fingers touching as Jack let it go. He gulped and looked away, trying not to feel disappointed that Ennis wouldn't let him tend to the wound. He was just trying to help.

They debated about shooting a sheep, but Ennis was adamant that they couldn't do that. Jack sat down beside him, stating that he simply wouldn't stick with beans anymore.

He looked at the angry red wound on Ennis's face, wishing that Ennis would allow physical contact. "You alright?" he asked in a low voice.

Ennis nodded, still drinking from the bottle. He'd wanted Jack to tend to his wound, but he was so used to taking care of himself that he didn't know how to do that. He looked at the material in his hand; it was only now that he realised it was Jack's red bandana. Jack could have used any old rag lying around, but he'd taken a garment of his own clothing to help Ennis. He gulped and glanced over at Jack. "Um...thanks. For this."

Jack smiled at him, making strange things happen in his stomach. "No problem. Is it gettin' any better?" Ennis leaned over slightly so that Jack could inspect it for himself, biting his lip nervously. Jack gently prodded the area with his finger. "Well, it ain't swellin'. That's somethin'. You'll probably be fine tomorrow."

Ennis nodded and drew away, aware of Jack's scent close to him. "Um...I know this ain't no good to you right now, 'cos we lost most of the food, but...I ordered soup for next week."

Jack looked at him. "But...I thought you didn't eat it?"

"Don't. I got it to keep you from moanin'," Ennis replied, feeling bold enough to smirk at Jack. His friend grinned, eyes shining in the firelight at this gesture of friendship.

"Well...thanks. But what are we gonna do 'til then? Ain't got enough food to last us an'...I guess we can't shoot a sheep."

Ennis thought for a moment. "Well...maybe we could shoot an elk or somethin'."

Jack stared. "Ennis...that's against Forest rules. If Game an' Fish catch us..."

"Just gotta make sure they don't," he replied, looking at the bloodied bandana. "I'll...I'll wash this before givin' it back," he added, glancing over at Jack.

"It's okay, no rush. You sure about shootin' an elk?"

"Ain't got much choice," Ennis replied, shrugging and finally passing the whiskey back to Jack. "You don't like beans, we ain't got nothin' else, an' we can't shoot a sheep."

Jack nodded. "Alright. You'd better shoot it, then. I sure as hell can't shoot straight."

Ennis smiled a little. "Yeah. You not got that coyote yet?"

"No...keep missin' an' it gets away. Hope it don't take a sheep."

"Yeah." They both looked into the fire, thinking and passing the bottle between them. Every time Jack received it, he took a moment to press his lips to the rim, tasting Ennis's lips there. He wondered what they would feel like and taste like if he pressed his own to them. He shivered slightly at the thought, and Ennis noticed. "You cold?"

"No, I'm fine," Jack replied, wrapping his arms around himself. Ennis shuffled closer in an attempt to help, which made Jack's heart rate increase. They sat there with their arms pressed together, trying to keep warm before Jack had to go back up to the sheep. He didn't want to sleep alone tonight but knew that he had no choice. Even without Aguirre's rules, he was certain that his feelings were not reciprocated.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

_May 20th, 1963_

It had been four days since Ennis had encountered the bear, and his wound had cleared up by now. He had eventually allowed Jack to tend to it for a little while by the fire, which had made him feel strange sensations inside him.

Jack was secretly very pleased that Ennis was opening up to him more and allowing contact, but he knew that he had to be careful. He would never force Ennis into anything, but if his colleague kept sending signals to him that he wanted to be more than friends, Jack would certainly go for it.

His first clue was that Ennis had ordered soup for him. Ennis had played it off as saying that it was just to keep him from complaining about the beans, but Jack had to wonder if there was more to it. He thought that if Ennis was truly trying to send him signals, it would certainly be in that kind of way; small acts of kindness to show him that he cared.

Jack smiled to himself as he rode back to camp for supper, looking forward to the elk that Ennis would be preparing for them. They had shot it the day after losing the food and it seemed to bring them a little closer. He had playfully pushed Ennis in his excitement and Ennis had responded in kind, making his heart flutter a little. He liked Ennis a lot and wondered if anything would come of their newfound friendship.

He entered camp and saw Ennis by the fire, sure enough cooking some the elk they had left. It would be enough to tide them over until they could get the next lot of supplies, and Jack couldn't help but grin at the sight of the other man. "Hey," he called as he drew closer.

Ennis looked up and could swear that his heart had skipped a beat. "Oh, hey...supper's gonna be ready soon."

"Great," Jack replied as he dismounted and walked over. "Any coffee left?" Ennis nodded and handed the pot over to him so he could pour some. "Least those damn coyotes ain't got no sheep yet. That's somethin'."

"Yeah." Ennis had been thinking about Jack a lot over the day. Part of him wanted to ask Jack to stay in the main tent with him tonight; what might happen if he did? He was still a virgin and was supposed to be saving himself for his wedding night, but what if?

Every time he thought about it, he remembered Earl and knew that he didn't want to end up with the same fate. He didn't want that to happen to Jack, either. But he couldn't deny that he was curious of his new friend and wondered what might happen if they both slept in the tent. He bit his lip and tried to concentrate on the food.

Jack sighed, oblivious to Ennis's dilemma but well aware of his own. "Think I got a crick in my neck," he groaned, stretching it. Ennis saw him rubbing at it and couldn't help but wish it was his hand.

"Here you go," he said, relieved when the food was done and he didn't have to look at Jack. His feelings were starting to scare him. Jack took the food gratefully and they started eating, enjoying the atmosphere of the day winding down into evening. The temperature was starting to drop and Jack was not looking forward to sleeping in that pup tent by himself. He wondered what Ennis would say if he asked to stay in the main tent with him; Ennis would probably see what he was really after and punch him.

"That was great," Jack sighed when he'd finished, feeling marginally better now. "Um...you want any whiskey?" he offered, holding up the bottle. Ennis shook his head; he didn't know what might happen if they started hitting the hard stuff. Jack nodded and stood up. "Alright. Reckon I'll go back up to the sheep now...see you in the mornin'."

Ennis watched him prepare to leave, desperate to say something that would bring a smile to Jack's face. He'd never had any real friends before and wanted to know more about how it felt. "Jack?" he asked, faltering as he realised he had no idea what to say. Jack turned and looked at him. "Um...you know, you don't hafta go right back up there after eatin'. I know you gotta before it gets real dark, but..." He hesitated. "If you wanna stay...could do with someone to talk to."

The effect was everything he'd hoped for. A grin spread across Jack's face as he took in what Ennis was saying to him. "I think you mean 'listen to' an' maybe 'grunt at', but I get what you mean," he replied, walking back over to Ennis, whose cheeks had reddened slightly. He sat down next to his friend and poured them some more coffee, feeling ridiculously happy that Ennis had asked him to stay a while. If he was braver and surer of Ennis's feelings, he would have taken Ennis's hand in response. Maybe they would reach that point someday if things carried on like this.

As Jack had predicted, he ended up doing most of the talking while Ennis listened and occasionally said something. It ended up being a very pleasant evening for both of them, but the sky soon started to grow dark and Jack knew he had to get back up to the sheep. He knew it was very dangerous to grow close to someone who was engaged, but he couldn't help his feelings. It was starting to become more than a physical attraction now, and he wondered if Ennis felt the same.

When Jack did eventually leave, Ennis felt very pleased with himself for making the effort to create a friendship between them. He had to push away his darker thoughts, though; the ones of him and Jack in the tent together that both terrified and excited him.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

_May 23rd, 1963_

Ennis had been quite pleased to see the soup amongst their new supplies when he'd collected them, along with the milk and potatoes that they had missed out on last week. He had known that Jack would be happy to eat something other than beans, since the elk wouldn't last them much longer now.

But when he was starting to prepare supper for them both, he could hear Jack muttering to himself as he rode into camp. It was clear that he was complaining about something else now, so Ennis just stayed quiet.

When Jack talked about him sleeping in the main camp, he had hoped that Ennis would take it to mean that they would share the tent. He had decided to test the waters a little and see if Ennis was catching on to his interest.

"I can't cook worth a damn," he warned when Ennis suggested switching places. He felt slightly disappointed that Ennis had read his signals wrong, but he was touched that Ennis had offered to take the very unpleasant role of herder.

"Can't be no worse than me, then," Ennis murmured, handing the food over to him. "Here you go." Jack put his coffee down and managed a smile.

"Thanks. Look...I'm sorry about always complainin'. Just...hate havin' to be out there. You'll get sick of it too if we switch."

Ennis shrugged and started eating. "Be alright. Maybe we could switch every couple weeks, so we both get a break from it."

Jack nodded. "Sure. That'll work." He looked over at Ennis. "Thanks."

"By the way, um..." Ennis started, feeling strangely nervous. "I got the supplies from the Basque earlier. Got you some soup like I said. An' some other things so you don't gotta eat beans."

Jack smiled widely at him, very touched by Ennis's gesture. "Thanks, Ennis. I know you don't mind 'em, but...I can't eat just them, you know? Gotta get somethin' else in me or I-" He suddenly clamped his mouth shut, realising the innuendo of what he'd just said. He prayed that Ennis wouldn't pick up on it; he didn't want to come on too strong when he wasn't even sure how Ennis felt.

But Ennis didn't seem to notice anything, just carried on eating. Jack ate in silence, mentally kicking himself for that slip of the tongue. But as he thought about it, he realised that it was the truth. He did want...that...from Ennis and couldn't really deny it. But there was still a long way to go before anything like that could happen. They were only just becoming friends and Jack didn't want to force Ennis into something that he would later regret. He had to take things very slowly given the circumstances, and he knew that sexual innuendos were not the way to have his feelings reciprocated.

They sat around camp for a while as the sun started to set, talking and drinking a little whiskey. Ennis still didn't talk much about back home, which Jack soon picked up on. Surely if Ennis was about to get married, he should be happy about it and wanting to talk about his fiancée at every opportunity. But Jack realised that he'd only heard about the girl once, which he found intriguing. Maybe Ennis wasn't completely happy with her.

A part of Jack felt terrible for going after Ennis when he knew about the engagement, and he thought that he should stop before anybody got hurt. But then he would look at Ennis and see the shy smile, or the deep brown eyes sparkle at him when Ennis was amused by something, and he knew he was done for. These feelings weren't just physical, he knew. For once, there was something going on above his waistline and he didn't know what to do about it.

Jack had never been in love before, and he still wasn't sure if he could apply that word here. The world didn't tolerate love between two men, and he knew that people would hurt him for it.

_But those people ain't here, _he thought to himself during a lull in the conversation. _It's just me an' him up here...nobody needs to know._

_But if I do...feel like that...then what happens when this summer's over? He'll go back to that girl even if somethin' happens up here. Could I live with that?_

Ennis looked at Jack now and then, wondering what was on his mind. It was obvious that something was bothering him, and Ennis would like to ask what it was. He figured that friends did that kind of thing for each other. But he didn't like to intrude on other peoples' privacy, so decided to leave it unless Jack came to him first.

Eventually, Ennis saw that it was starting to grow dark and decided to head up to the sheep. He didn't mind letting Jack have the main camp for a week or two; it might do him some good to sleep out there and Jack could do with a warm tent to sleep in. More than anything, he liked to see Jack smiling and know that it was him who had done it.

Jack reluctantly watched as Ennis packed up. They had decided that they would switch places on the same day every week, to share the work more equally and still get a break from being the herder. Jack so wished that they could spend the night together in the tent, but that was very unlikely and he knew it.

"Won't get much sleep, tell you that," he said as Ennis mounted his horse. Ennis looked down at him briefly, suddenly sad to be leaving him behind.

"Oh yeah?" he muttered, urging the horse forward. "Come on." He didn't see Jack admiring him for a moment before turning away, or the look of longing in his eyes.

He could never tell Jack or anybody else about the dreams he'd had while sleeping, head filled with the image of deep blue eyes and dark hair.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

_May 28th, 1963_

Ennis seemed to be coping fairly well at being out with the sheep on his own, and Jack was very grateful to get a warm night's sleep. Of course, this did nothing to prevent them from dreaming about each other, and Jack was still wondering if anything was going to happen.

He was busy preparing breakfast whilst keeping his ears peeled for the sound of hooves on the ground. Ennis would be back at any moment and Jack couldn't wait to see him; he didn't like them spending time apart. How was he supposed to figure out Ennis's feelings if they barely saw each other?

As he worked, he tried to think of ways in which he could gauge how Ennis might feel about him without making it obvious. If he were to discover that Ennis felt the same, then he would make a move and see how things went. If Ennis didn't, then Jack resigned himself to the fact that nothing could happen.

_I just wanna show him that it's okay to feel like that, _he thought to himself as he poked at the fire to boil the water. _Just 'cos some people don't like it...that don't mean it can't happen. Nobody's gotta know but us. _He was just thinking of this summer and no further; he didn't want to think about being parted from Ennis, especially since his feelings were growing deeper by the day. He was just trying to figure out where they were right now.

At last, he heard the sound of Ennis approaching the campsite and grinned to himself; he'd been looking forward to this all morning.

"Hey," he called as Ennis dismounted and walked over to him.

"Hey, bud," Ennis replied, making Jack blink in surprise. This was the first time that Ennis had made any indication of them being friends, and he didn't know what to make of it. Was this a sign that Ennis was interested?

"Um...just makin' some breakfast here. Got some beans for ya." Ennis nodded his thanks. He then took off his hat and stretched, not seeing how Jack was observing his blonde curls. Ennis sighed and removed his jacket, intending to wash before eating. When he started removing his boots, Jack gulped.

"Shot a coyote up there," Ennis was saying as he stripped his shirt off. He pulled off his vest to reveal a tanned, muscled chest that made Jack's jeans uncomfortably tight. He didn't know if Ennis was sending him signals right now, but he sure hoped so. "Big son of a bitch; balls on him the size of apples."

_Bet yours ain't nothin' to sneeze at, _Jack thought when he saw that Ennis only had his jeans to remove. He hoped that Ennis couldn't see the hungry look in his eyes, and he turned away to try and open the beans. "You got some hot water?" Ennis asked. He was going to strip off and wash nearby, and all Jack could think about was the image of Ennis naked.

He fumbled with the can and spilt them, muttering to himself. Ennis surely thought he was an idiot now. "It's all yours," he replied irritably, putting them down so he could clean himself up.

Ennis watched him licking his fingers dry, and had a very strange thought. What would it be like for _him _to lick them clean? He mentally shook himself and got up, grabbing the water and soap. He just couldn't allow those thoughts to take root in his mind; it would ruin everything if he acted on them. Not only for himself and Alma, but what if Jack didn't reciprocate these feelings? It would be very embarrassing for him to make a move and be rebuffed.

He had tried to dream of Alma, the girl he was about to marry, but she always turned into Jack and his dreams were not the type he would repeat to anybody. He had felt Jack's body in his dreams and found himself wondering about the real thing. They were two lonely young men up in the mountains with no women to meet their needs; surely that was all it was? If something did happen between them, then surely it would only be because they had no other option?

He stood a little way behind Jack as he stepped out of his jeans, keeping his hat on. Part of him wanted Jack to turn around and he contemplated asking Jack for his assistance. What was happening to him?

Jack knew that Ennis was moving the soap over his body, probably washing in between his legs, and he so wished that he could look. But if Ennis caught him...that would be it. He would probably punch him and Jack would feel as if he'd deserved it. Just because Ennis had stripped off near him didn't mean a thing. He might just be comfortable about doing that.

It was a relief for Jack when he heard Ennis zipping his jeans back up, clearly finished. Ennis came back into his view fully dressed, and he slowly felt his arousal go down. He considered himself very lucky that Ennis hadn't seen it. If things had gone on for much longer, Jack would have needed to disappear for a few minutes to take care of it, and he couldn't risk Ennis finding out about it, or why.

Ennis noticed Jack's strange silence through breakfast, even though Jack was eating something he liked for once. As far as he could see, there was nothing to warrant such odd behaviour from someone so talkative.

His only guess was that he'd made Jack uncomfortable by removing his clothes so near to him, and by washing just feet away. He had simply felt as if it was convenient, and it wasn't as if Jack had seen anything. Maybe Jack didn't like it anyway, and now he'd lost the other man's friendship. The worst thought was that nothing might happen between them now; Jack didn't return his feelings.


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

_June 2nd, 1963_

They had been on the mountain for almost a month now, and already so much had changed. Jack was more certain of his feelings than Ennis, but it wasn't any easier for him. He was half-convinced that Ennis wasn't interested and was now trying to get his feelings to simmer down.

He was sleeping away from camp now, having switched back as agreed. They would have to move the sheep higher up the mountain soon as summer was passing, and he wondered if such a change would affect anything between them.

He couldn't sleep tonight; his head was filled with thoughts of Ennis. He so wished that he could sleep in the main tent with his friend, with Ennis holding him close and perhaps kissing him. That would be the best feeling in the world, he knew.

But he didn't like to get his hopes up; Ennis was engaged, after all. Jack knew that Ennis was the type to stand by his promises and he felt slightly resentful for it. He couldn't help himself; he knew that his feelings were developing into love and there was nothing he could do about it.

_I just wanna know how he feels, _he thought to himself, rolling onto his side and trying to get to sleep. _If he don't feel the same, then at least I'll know an' I can try to forget it. But how do I even find out without scarin' him? I'd rather have him here an' not talkin' to me than not here at all._

He closed his eyes and allowed images of Ennis to fill his mind. They were the kind of dreams that he would be keeping to himself, for sure. In his dream, he felt Ennis's rough lips on his and a searching tongue exploring his mouth.

"Ennis," he groaned as the dream took over. _Ennis was kissing him deeply and had loosened his shirt, slipping a hand underneath to run over Jack's chest. He whimpered and raised his hips, needing more. "Fuck me," he breathed into Ennis's ear. Ennis kissed his neck and undid his jeans, silently taking control and giving Jack what he'd asked for. Jack felt Ennis pushing into him and starting to move, doing everything to him that he'd wanted._

Jack jerked awake and took deep breaths, the vivid dream still on his mind. He'd had these dreams for over two weeks now and he was starting to yearn for the real thing. Ennis had felt so good inside him and he wanted to know what it really felt like. But there was just no way for it to happen; Ennis just didn't feel the same.

He looked down and saw a stain on the front of his jeans; he hadn't shot but was covered in pre-come, and he sighed to himself. He would have to finish the job, still being hard with the thoughts of Ennis in his head. Jack lay back and did what he had to do; it would just have to be enough. 

Down in the main camp, Ennis was having a similar problem. He was lying in his own tent and had found himself thinking of Jack; of those deep blue eyes that seemed to pierce into his soul, not to mention those dimples and that dark hair that he wanted to run his fingers through.

He could remember how it had been for Earl and Rich before Earl's murder; he and his siblings had been told to stay away from the ranch house that the two men shared, and he remembered seeing them in town together. They had always been ridiculed and most of the shopkeepers refused to serve them. One had even chased them out with a shotgun. Mothers would cross the street with their children if they saw one or both of them heading that way, as if fearful for their offspring. Ennis did not want that to happen to him; he just couldn't be like them.

He was hard from thinking of Jack and all the things he wanted them to do, but he was stubbornly refusing to touch himself. He thought that if he did, he would be giving in and he didn't like that. He wanted to be angry at Jack for making him feel like this, but he just couldn't. He thought that Jack didn't feel the same, so reasoned that it wasn't Jack's fault that he was going through this.

Ennis looked down at himself; his arousal wasn't about to go down by itself anytime soon, not while Jack was on his mind. He glanced around the tent, as if somebody might be watching and judging him, and realised what he had to do. He sighed and undid his jeans, taking hold of himself and closing his eyes.

Thoughts of Jack were set free in his mind; Jack kissing him and touching him. They were both here, naked, and he so wanted to make their bodies connect.

"_Wanna fuck you," he murmured into Jack's ear, pressing himself down. Jack nodded and widened his legs, allowing him access. _

"_Come on," he breathed, clearly ready for this. "Ennis..." He drew in a breath when Ennis started to enter him, pushing deep. "Oh God..."_

_Ennis kissed him on the mouth as they moved together, curling his tongue around Jack's and taking hold of him with his free hand. _

Ennis felt himself release into his hand and sighed, finally feeling satisfied. He hated how it was the only solution, because then he remembered how Jack didn't seem to return his feelings. He would never know how it would truly feel to be inside Jack, or to even kiss him.

He tried not to think of Alma, or to feel guilty about how she knew nothing of his desires. This just had to be kept separate; that was all. He wanted Jack, for this summer if nothing else, and he wondered if there was anything he could do to achieve this goal. 


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

_June 4th, 1963_

They were sat around camp, Jack drinking from the whiskey bottle and Ennis eating the beans. Both of them were trying to act normal, but it wasn't easy because they remembered their dreams of each other. Neither of them was entirely sure how to be around each other anymore, not when they were so hopelessly attracted to one another.

Jack had liked talking about rodeoing, even though Ennis clearly didn't care much for it. But he didn't want to talk about his father if he could help it. He knew that Ennis probably wondered why there was so much bad blood there, and if they were together then Jack would consider telling him. That was something he could only reveal to someone that he was very close to, and he didn't think that he and Ennis were ever likely to get that close.

Ennis had taken a few sips of the whiskey that Jack had given him and felt a little bolder. He started talking about his siblings and where they were right now. Jack felt very sorry for Ennis; at least his parents were still alive and he had a home. He listened carefully as Ennis described how he'd had to drop out of high school due to a lack of money, and could see that despite Ennis's stoic demeanour he seemed lonely. Jack wished he could reach over and squeeze his hand or something, but knew that Ennis wouldn't like that.

"An' that's how come, uh...me end up here," Ennis finished, drinking more of the whiskey. It occurred to Jack that he'd never heard Ennis say so much in one go before, and he grinned sidelong at his friend. He liked hearing Ennis speak; his voice was rough yet somehow smooth at the same time, and he wondered what it would be like to hear that voice close to his ear.

Ennis wondered if he'd said too much, and he looked over to see Jack smirking at him. "What?" He was very conscious of Jack's deep blue eyes staring at him, and he shifted slightly.

"Friend, that's more words than you spoke in the past two weeks," Jack told him, smiling. He was glad that Ennis was opening up more now, but still wondered if they could ever be more than friends.

Ennis couldn't really meet Jack's eyes; he kept averting his own every time they came into contact with Jack's. He wanted Jack more and more every day as they grew closer, and he knew that his resolve was weakening.

"Hell, that's the most I spoke in a year," he replied, managing to half-smile back. A snap of electricity passed between them, eyes lingering a little longer than they normally would. Eventually, Jack looked away, feeling slightly confused now. He'd thought that Ennis wasn't interested in him, but what if he'd been wrong about that?

"But my dad, he was a fine roper," Ennis continued, feeling his tongue loosen from the whiskey. "Didn't rodeo much though; he thought rodeo cowboys was all fuck-ups." He glanced at Jack, wondering how he would react.

"The hell they are," Jack replied, eyes narrowing and knowing what Ennis was doing. He was very pleased to see Ennis joking around at last. Maybe there was a chance after all.

"Well..." Ennis trailed off, looking at him. Jack got up and started jumping about, yelling and re-enacting how he used to ride the bulls in the rodeo. Ennis grinned and tried to warn him about the supplies stacked up next to him, but it was too late. Jack hit them and fell over, full of laughter. He looked up to see Ennis's wide grin directed at him, and felt his heart lift. Ennis was smiling fully at him for the very first time, and Jack knew then that he had to at least try to win the other man's heart. He was in love, and there was nothing else for it now.

"I think my dad was right," Ennis observed, making Jack laugh. Ennis settled back down again, feeling happy and more relaxed than before. He thought about his desire for Jack and how guilty he felt about Alma not knowing what was going on. He reasoned with himself that maybe they could just do this for the summer before going back to their lives. He couldn't fight his attraction much longer.

Jack eventually got up and sat back down near Ennis, the sound of his friend's laughter like music to his ears. He wanted to lean over and kiss Ennis, showing him exactly how he felt. Maybe they would keep kissing and eventually wander over to the tent together, and then what? Jack knew what he wanted, but he couldn't be sure that Ennis was ready for that even if he did feel the same. Ennis could be so closed up sometimes, and Jack worried that he might not even be able to do anything. What if Ennis felt too guilty?

"Well...I better get up to them sheep soon," Jack said, looking around. "We've gotta move 'em tomorrow, right?"

"Yep," Ennis replied, thinking of the next camp. He wasn't looking forward to sleeping alone again, wanted Jack with him all the time. In just two days they would switch over again, which meant they would still be sleeping alone. If he was a little braver, he would ask Jack to stay in the main tent with him, but couldn't seem to get the words out. What if Jack was repulsed by his desire? That would ruin everything.

Jack took longer to leave than he normally did, wishing that Ennis would ask him to stay. Ever since he'd glimpsed Ennis's body the other day, he'd wanted to know how it looked in its entirety, and he wanted to know how it would feel pressed against his. He wanted so much and didn't think he would have any of it. There was still plenty of time for something to happen, and he certainly hoped that something would.


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10**

_June 7th, 1963_

Jack had only been trying to get to sleep, in spite of the chill around them. Now he was filled with anticipation as he heard Ennis making his drunken way to the tent.

He hadn't gotten his friend drunk on purpose, at least not with the intent to seduce him. He'd just been trying to have fun with Ennis and they'd ended up drinking more than planned. Now he wasn't sure what might happen.

Ennis managed to get inside the tent and somehow ended up in the bedroll with Jack, blinking and trying to focus. Part of him was glad to be in such close proximity to the other man at last; the man he'd wanted for almost a month now. That was why he'd allowed himself to get drunk; to have the courage to finally make a move. Now he wasn't too sure how he felt about something happening.

Neither of them got much sleep, despite how warm they were now. Just past two in the morning, Jack awoke from yet another dream of Ennis and sighed to himself, knowing that he was hard. He couldn't jerk himself off in here and he didn't want to wake Ennis by climbing over him to get out of the tent. Wondering what to do, he tentatively reached back and located Ennis's hand.

He was fully awake by now and dreading Ennis's response, but he couldn't help it. He pulled Ennis's hand over his body, which made Ennis turn towards him in his sleep. Jack smiled at how good Ennis felt like this, warmth radiating from him. His heart was hammering in his chest but he couldn't stop himself; he could no longer ignore these feelings and just had to know how Ennis felt. He lowered their joined hands to his erection, coaxing Ennis into rubbing it for him and biting back a moan.

Ennis stirred and blinked, wondering what he had hold of that could be so hard. It didn't take long for him to figure it out, even in his drunken haze, and he jumped away in alarm. He did have certain feelings for Jack, but this was going way too fast for him and he wasn't completely sure if this was a good idea anyway.

Jack sat up, terrified that he'd got things wrong. They stared at each other for a few moments, and Jack could see lust in Ennis's eyes. They were both very drunk and he knew that they weren't fully aware of what they were doing, and he decided to take a chance.

He leaned in closer to Ennis, who wondered if he was going to kiss him. That was the pace he was more comfortable with, but still wasn't sure. But Jack was removing his jacket, his intentions clear.

"What're you doin'?" he mumbled, trying to focus. Jack tried to hold him but he grabbed his arms and they grappled for a few seconds before steadying. Jack pressed their foreheads together and he shakily ran a hand through the dark hair before hearing the clink of a buckle; Jack was undoing his jeans. Understanding crashed into him and he responded in the only way he knew how; he just had to have Jack.

He turned Jack around and pushed him down to the bedroll; he'd only ever seen livestock do this so it was the only thing he knew. Maybe there were other, gentler ways but he didn't know them. He undid his own jeans and pushed Jack's down to expose his ass, gulping at the sight. Was he really about to do this? Would it hurt Jack?

Unable to stop, he spit into his hand and coated himself, some part of him hoping that it would make things easier. Not knowing how else to do this, he started to push in. He groaned at the contact and hoped that Jack was okay.

_So sorry if this hurts, bud...I'm sorry..._

But while it did hurt, Jack felt exhilarated. He'd wanted this for nearly a month and was willing to go through the pain to get to the pleasure. He gritted his teeth and pushed back as Ennis started to roughly thrust into him, dragging his hips and moaning. Jack was bent low over the bedroll, fists grabbing at the material as he finally found out how this felt. He had Ennis inside him and couldn't be unhappy about it if he tried.

He spotted Ennis's hand and grabbed it, holding on for dear life as things got rougher and quicker. Ennis didn't last much longer and was soon shooting into him, deep inside his body and marking him as his own. Jack came onto the bedroll without even touching himself and grinned breathlessly, finally satisfied after a month of frustration.

Ennis pulled out of him and they collapsed onto the bedroll together, completely worn out. Ennis was asleep within moments but Jack lingered for a little longer, breathing heavily and now shaking from the cold. He pulled his jeans back up and sighed, shifting backwards slightly and curling up against Ennis. It had been rough and quick and certainly not about love, but he didn't care. It had still felt so good to experience that with Ennis and he hoped that they could progress to something more gentle next time. He wanted to kiss Ennis more than anything; to feel those rough lips on his and find out that they were actually quite soft.

He wanted Ennis to hold him and whisper things in his ear, to make love to him slowly and face to face. There was a slight desire to be inside Ennis one day, but that would have to wait. Something told him that Ennis was not ready for that yet and he had to be very respectful of Ennis's feelings right now. Tomorrow, he would tell Ennis that he had feelings for him and wanted them to continue this. Maybe then, he would get the kiss he wanted and so much more.


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11**

_June 8th, 1963_

Ennis was torn between two choices; go back up to the sheep and stop this now, or go into the tent where Jack was waiting for him. He stared into the fire, as if it would give him the answer.

He couldn't deny that he had enjoyed the previous night, rough and quick though it was. Jack hadn't mentioned any pain, but Ennis recalled him limping that morning as he exited the tent, and he wondered what was going to happen now. Clearly, Jack couldn't take it again so soon and he knew he was in no way ready for that himself, so what would they do if he went in there?

He'd thought about Jack's lips, and what it might feel like to kiss them. Perhaps they would do that tonight, and somehow manage to break the earlier tension. They could never go back to how they were, not that they knew each other's bodies. Even if they tried, their lust for each other was bound to win them over in the end.

Ennis looked over into the tent, where Jack was removing his shirt and exposing his chest. He felt his jeans tighten as he remembered how good Jack's body had felt. What if he was allowed to touch Jack in other, gentler ways? Could he even do it?

Steeling himself, he managed to get up and slowly made his way to the tent.

Jack stared up at the tent, wondering if Ennis would come to him. They had been silent once they had returned from the hillside, and he thought back over their brief conversation. He didn't like having to lie about who he was, but he knew it was the only way; Ennis would get scared if he knew that Jack really was queer.

So he laid there, thinking about Ennis and what they might do tonight. If Ennis did come to him, then what? Would they kiss as he hoped? Jack knew of a few things he wanted to do with Ennis, but he didn't know if he would get to. All he could hope for was Ennis relaxing enough to try.

He saw something in the corner of his eye and turned; Ennis was approaching him. He watched as Ennis drew closer, noticing the bulge in the front of Ennis's jeans. Jack knew that Ennis denied being queer but what he could see now told him a different story. He decided to let it drop; Ennis could barely wrap his head around all of this as it was.

He slowly sat up as Ennis crouched down, peering up into his lover's eyes. He could sense that Ennis was afraid and yet still wanted this; he would have to guide Ennis through tonight if they were going to do anything.

He placed his hand on Ennis's arm, slowly moving it away and removing the barrier between them. Jack could see Ennis's eyes roaming over his chest, occasionally glancing down lower than that. Full of sympathy for Ennis's confusion and wanting to make things better, Jack cupped his cheek and brought him closer. He thought that a kiss might be able to relax his friend.

Ennis trembled under Jack's tender touch, feeling as if he didn't deserve it after the pain he'd caused Jack. Not just the physical pain of the night before, but also the pain of him fleeing the next morning without a word.

Jack knew what he had to do. He lifted his head and wrapped his other arm around Ennis's neck, holding him in place.

When their lips connected, Ennis felt love blazing in his heart for the very first time. Jack's lips were soft and tasted better than he ever could have imagined.

"I'm sorry," he whispered when they broke apart, hoping that Jack wasn't frustrated by his hesitation and nervousness.

"It's alright," Jack whispered back, knowing why Ennis was apologising and not needing to hear it. "It's alright." He gently pulled Ennis down to the bedroll with him, cradling him for a few moments until he saw Ennis searching for his lips again. Throwing caution to the wind, Jack rolled them both over and lay down on top of him, kissing him deeply and feeling happy when he felt Ennis respond.

They kissed for a few heavy minutes until Jack's hands started wandering, stroking Ennis's stomach. "Are you gonna...?" he asked softly, wanting to know if Ennis was comfortable about being naked with him. Ennis slowly nodded and they managed to remove his clothes together. Ennis was shaking with nerves when he saw Jack looking at his erection and this intensified when he saw Jack's.

"Um..." he started, feeling terrified that Jack wanted to take him. He wasn't ready. "Jack, I...I can't..."

"It's okay," Jack assured him, squeezing his hands. "I thought you wouldn't be...we don't hafta do that. There's other things we can do."

Ennis nodded in relief and lay back, letting Jack kiss him a few more times until he relaxed. He opened his eyes to see Jack watching him carefully, as if he wanted to ask something.

"Ennis...have you...ever had a blow job before?" he asked, and Ennis's eyes widened. Jack wanted to put his mouth _there_?

"No," he replied shakily. "But, um..." He gestured downwards and Jack saw the permission to do this. He nodded and made his way down, kissing Ennis's chest as he went and feeling elated that he could finally be with Ennis in this way. He'd enjoyed last night but this was so much better.

Ennis thought his head would explode when he felt Jack's mouth on him, going straight to work. Jack was actually sucking at him and teasing out pre-come; Ennis knew he wasn't going to last long. "Fuck, Jack..." he breathed, and Jack knew he was doing this right.

He jerked himself off in time and was soon rewarded with thick fluid running down his throat. When he could breathe again, he looked up and met Ennis's eyes; they were full of wonder, fear and something else. Jack hoped that he knew what it was, and that Ennis was feeling the same as him.


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12**

_June 14th, 1963_

Ennis and Jack had been sleeping together for a week now, and they were enjoying their newfound intimacy. Jack could tell that Ennis was still wary of this whole thing and what it might mean, but decided not to say anything. He was just happy that he'd finally gotten what he'd longed for.

He tried not to think about the end of the summer, and that Ennis had said this was a one-shot thing. He knew it would be very hard to say goodbye to Ennis now that his feelings were so strong.

When Jack woke up that morning, he opened his eyes to see a pair of deep brown ones looking at him. "Hey," he mumbled, yawning. To his surprise, he felt Ennis's hand caressing his hair.

"Mornin', bud," Ennis replied, feeling slightly unsure of himself. He did like being here with Jack, but various thoughts were constantly running through his head. The main one was how on earth he was going to face Alma after this. He knew that he could never tell anybody about their affair, but he was also scared of saying goodbye to Jack at the end of the summer. "You, um...you sleep alright?"

"After last night? You bet," Jack said with a smirk. They'd had full sex a few more times over the past week, and last night had been their first time face to face. It had been wonderful to look up into Ennis's eyes as they'd moved together, seeing how he made Ennis feel. He wondered how Ennis felt about it now. "Was good, huh?"

"Yeah," Ennis managed to say, still stroking the back of Jack's head. He had liked being able to look into Jack's eyes, but now he could no longer deny that he was doing this with a man. Ennis was unable to think about this just yet, so he decided not to and just focus on how much he enjoyed it.

Jack leaned over and glanced up at Ennis for a moment, before moving in to capture his lips. They'd done a lot of heavy kissing last night, their saliva mixing and his teeth almost drawing blood with how passionate they were; this kiss was gentle and soft. Ennis practically melted under Jack's touch, feeling very content.

When they broke apart, Jack nuzzled their noses together and smiled. "Well...reckon we oughta get up an'...I should get up to the sheep." Ennis nodded, remembering how one of the sheep had been killed a week ago because he hadn't been there to watch them. He'd been here with Jack, but he just couldn't regret what had happened between them. Without warning, he reached out and took Jack's hand. Jack looked at him. "Ennis?"

"I...I want you to know...I don't regret this, Jack. I mean...can't really talk much 'bout it. But...I don't feel bad about it happenin'," he mumbled, squeezing Jack's fingers. "Last night...it was good. I liked...seein' you." He looked up into Jack's warm eyes, feeling uncertain about expressing his feelings like this.

Jack leaned in for another kiss, his heart bursting with the love he felt. Maybe Ennis would never be able to talk much about this, but at least he was happy for it to continue. That was more than Jack could have hoped for, and he smiled into the kiss.

"I don't regret it either," he said when they pulled apart again. "I like doin' this with you, Ennis. Um...we should get movin' then." Ennis nodded and they got dressed, having been completely naked the night before. They were continuing to explore each other's bodies and they liked what they found. Ennis seemed to have grown attached to the space in Jack's collarbone, tucking his head there when they were cooling down after sex. When he did that, Jack liked holding him close and inhaling his scent. If it had just been about sex, Jack might have believed Ennis's claims that he wasn't queer. But it was moments like that, and this morning, that made him think otherwise.

They emerged from the tent and Ennis set about making breakfast while Jack went to relieve himself. Part of him wanted to go after Jack and jump his bones in the bushes, but he held back. He was reluctant to get close to Jack outside the tent; anybody could be spying on them. What if Aguirre came up to check on things, and he caught them out in the open? Everything would be ruined for sure.

Jack didn't seem to worry about this; when he was finished he sat right next to Ennis, giving him a wide smile. Ennis managed to smile back as he cooked, feeling somewhat lighter now that he no longer had to fight his attraction to Jack. They had agreed not to talk about the end of the summer or what might happen; they were just enjoying what they had now.

"Sure looks good," Jack told him, giving him a slight nudge. "Reckon we worked up an appetite after last night, huh?" he asked, smirking. Ennis said nothing; he wasn't sure if their new relationship made him feel better or worse than before. He no longer had to pretend that he was just after friendship, but he had been unfaithful to Alma. He'd promised to marry her, and his first time should have been on their wedding night. But here he was, having sex with his male co-worker because he couldn't restrain himself.

Jack noticed his tension and reached out to rub his back, trying to soothe him. "Hey...don't go thinkin' on things, alright? It's just us up here." He knew that Ennis worried about things, especially the fact that they were both men.

Ennis nodded and tried not to worry too much. Jack was right; the next few months were just about them, and he couldn't think about the end of that. He tried to ignore the fact that every day they were together was one more day towards the end of their time together.


	13. Chapter 13

_**Author's notes**_

_Hey guys! When you finish reading this chapter, I ask that you take a look at my livejournal - I made an announcement over there that I want you all to see. Just look for an entry that I made on May 27th and you should find it. If you're not a member over there, then please get in touch with me here with your responses. If you don't know how to get to my journal, let me know and I'll give you directions._

_Kathryn xxx_

* * *

**Chapter 13**

_June 20th, 1963_

It was pitch black outside, but Ennis could still see Jack's face in the moonlight as they looked at each other, kissing and letting their hands roam. He was getting better at relaxing in these moments, but he would never be truly comfortable about this. Every time they kissed or touched, he felt a mixture of guilt and worry, but he just couldn't stop himself.

"Come here," Jack whispered, sensing how scared he still was. He brought Ennis's lips back down to his and held him there, trying to give him some comfort and to tell him that it was alright. Ennis shivered and allowed his mouth to travel to Jack's neck, planting kisses there in his own shaky way. Jack felt so good here like this, completely for him, and he thought it was too good to be true. What would someone like Jack see in someone like him?

He pulled his lips away and rested his forehead against Jack's, unsure of himself. Jack made him meet his eyes. "Hey...it's okay. We don't gotta if you can't."

Ennis shook his head and nudged Jack's legs wider apart. "I wanna," he murmured, sure of that if nothing else. Too scared to ask for any kind of lubricant for fear that they would be found out, they had decided to fashion their own from grease. It was messy and not particularly ideal, but they didn't have much choice. Jack knew that there were other uses for lubricant, especially Vaseline, so he figured that they could get away with asking for it.

Still, he waited patiently as Ennis applied the grease to himself, knowing that he had to make certain compromises here. Ennis was simply scared of them being found out, but part of Jack wanted them to be. On the one hand, Alma could find out and break off the engagement and Ennis would be free. But on the other hand, he could easily hate Jack and blame him for ruining everything. Even if Ennis were free, it was no guarantee that they could be together. He had to do this Ennis's way or not at all.

When Ennis was ready he started to push in, watching Jack's face. He could no longer deny who he was doing this with and couldn't pretend that Jack was a woman from this position. Jack was a man, and here he was about to do this; he couldn't have ever seen this coming and still didn't want to think about what it might mean. He paused about halfway through, not sure about what he was doing. Jack opened his eyes, breathing heavily. "Hey...what's wrong?"

Ennis tried to relax and smile down at him. "Nothin'." He continued until they were tightly pressed together and he was fully inside his lover. He'd be a liar if he said this didn't feel good, or right. Nothing felt as right as when they were like this, and he wondered if Jack felt the same.

"God, Ennis," Jack groaned, tilting his head back. "Every fuckin' time...won't get tired of this." He wrapped his legs around Ennis's waist and nodded up at him. "When you're ready, bud."

Ennis lowered his head and started moving, drawing out slightly and then pushing back in. He had to admit that he preferred this gentle motion compared to their first night, and not just because it felt more human to him. He could see Jack's face and kiss his lips, and it felt like more than just sex this way. He knew the expression used to describe what they were really doing, but he couldn't think about that. It involved a certain four-letter word that he was trying not to feel, but he was fighting a losing battle with that one.

He brought their mouths together again and found Jack's tongue with his own, sliding them together while his hips seemed to move on their own. It was such a simple movement and yet was bringing them both waves of pleasure; he hadn't known that it could be this good.

Jack gasped into his mouth when he felt Ennis's hand take hold of him; Ennis had been very nervous about touching him there and yet there it was. Ennis was sliding his hand up and down his erection and teasing out pre-come, making Jack tremble all over. "Ennis," he practically whimpered, feeling as if his head was about to explode. "Oh God..."

Ennis let go of his lips and attacked his neck, finding his confidence as he continued to stroke Jack. He loved the sounds coming from Jack's mouth as he pushed in deeper, praying that he wouldn't hurt Jack. He gave a few more thrusts and felt himself coming, shuddering all over. He somehow managed to carry on jerking Jack off until he felt the sticky fluid hit his stomach and heard a groan in his ear.

They collapsed together, heads spinning. This had been one of their best times yet, and Ennis was fully aware of the feeling in his heart. He knew how he felt about Jack but he simply couldn't hold the thought in his mind; they would have to leave at the end of the summer and he was supposed to be getting married. All he could ever have with Jack was this summer and nothing more; that was just the way it had to be.

Jack was unaware of Ennis's thoughts, and he smiled when their eyes met. "Ennis...that was somethin' else..." He brought their lips together for more kisses, slow and sweet this time. He was more willing to accept how he felt, and he knew that he was in love. "Reckon I'll sleep real good after that." Ennis managed to smile back and he pulled out, sinking down onto Jack's chest. He was wrapped up in Jack's arms and swallowed hard, trying not to let his emotions get the better of him.

When he finally fell asleep, his last thought was how he loved this man and how on earth he was going to be able to leave him.


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter 14**

_June 27th, 1963_

Ennis and Jack were lying together in the tent once more, enjoying a little time together before they had to get up. They had been spending more and more time together, regretfully neglecting their shared duty as herder. There hadn't been any more losses, but Ennis was still worried about Aguirre finding out why the sheep were left on their own so much.

But he couldn't think about that as Jack kissed him and squeezed his hand, clearly enjoying this. For the past few days, he had been thinking about how it felt when Jack went down on him, and he was starting to wonder how it would feel to do the same to Jack. He couldn't just ask, not when he could barely even talk about what was going on between them.

Jack sensed his hesitation and pulled away from where he'd been kissing Ennis's neck. "What's wrong?" he asked, concern filling his blue eyes. Ennis thought that he could drown if he looked into them for too long.

"I, um...I been thinkin' on somethin', but I dunno how to say it," he admitted, looking down. Jack cupped his cheek.

"What?" he inquired, half-hoping that it was a declaration of love. But he knew that Ennis might never get to that point.

"Well...you know how you sometimes...have your mouth down there?" he started, cheeks reddening already. Jack nodded. "Um...I was thinkin'..."

"You want me to do it now?" Jack offered, pleased that Ennis was somehow managing to say what he wanted. Ennis shook his head.

"Um...not now. I was wonderin'...if I could maybe..." He bit his lip and looked at Jack, who immediately understood.

"Oh...okay. You sure? You don't have to if you don't wanna...I mean, you don't gotta just 'cos you think it's what I want..." Truth be told, Jack _did_ want Ennis to do this, but he wasn't going to force him.

"I wanna, Jack," Ennis insisted, sure of that even if he didn't really know what to do. "But, um...I ain't too sure of how to do it..."

Jack nodded. "Okay...it's real easy when you get the hang of it. First off, you gotta make sure your teeth stay outta the way, or else you'll end up bitin' me an' that'll hurt," he grinned, and then demonstrated to Ennis how to do this. "Um...it's basically just you puttin' yer mouth there. You ever eaten a banana? It's kinda like that." Ennis knew he wouldn't be eating bananas again anytime soon. He didn't eat them much anyway, being as poor as he was. Fresh fruit was a luxury where he came from.

"Alright," he replied, nodding. "But...what if it...makes me feel sick?" he asked. He would feel terrible if that happened and he didn't want to hurt Jack's feelings. Jack shrugged.

"It's okay. You can just stop an' no harm done. I ain't gonna judge you, Ennis. I think you'd be great at it, but you never really know until you do it. An' it's okay if you can't. You wanna give it a try?"

Ennis nodded and slowly moved to straddle Jack, looking down into his eyes. He couldn't help but kiss those lips a few more times before moving down, remembering how Jack did it. With Jack's chest exposed to him, he planted kisses all the way down until he got to his destination, and he could hear Jack sigh. "Feels good already, even though you ain't started yet."

He smiled a little and then eyed Jack's erection; he'd never been this close to it before and wasn't sure if he could do this. He glanced up and saw Jack giving him an encouraging look, and then went to work.

He lowered his head and parted his lips, shaking slightly. He hoped that he wouldn't get sick and make Jack feel bad.

Jack watched himself disappear into Ennis's mouth and bit back a groan. It was quite a sight to see Ennis with his head down there, about to suck him off. Part of him wondered what Alma would make of this if she knew where Ennis's head was right now.

When he was comfortable, Ennis latched himself onto Jack and started sucking. He could feel heat radiating from Jack's body and that was enough to arouse him. He found his rhythm and soon heard wonderful sounds coming from Jack's mouth; he was doing it right after all.

With more confidence, he slid his hands under Jack and weaved his finger underneath, pushing it into Jack. He didn't know why he was doing that at the same time, but it made sense to him. With his other hand, he started jerking himself off so that they could come together.

"Oh...God, Ennis!" Jack moaned, pushing his head back into the bedroll and raising his hips. He could feel Ennis's finger moving inside him and it was spurring him on. He bucked as he felt himself leaking into Ennis's mouth and wondered if Ennis would swallow. Sweat was covering his chest and forehead and he could barely speak. _Oh God, I love you, _he thought as Ennis continued to stroke him.

He exploded into Ennis's mouth, praying that he wasn't going to choke him. Ennis took it all, swallowing and tasting every part of Jack that came out. The taste was better than he'd imagined and wasn't unpleasant at all. He'd made Jack feel this good, and he was proud of himself. He came soon after and managed to look up at Jack, who was staring at the roof of the tent with wide eyes. Ennis crawled back up Jack's heaving chest and looked down at him.

"That alright?" he asked nervously, and Jack rewarded him with a wide smile and a kiss.

"That was...better than alright," he replied, kissing all over Ennis's face. "That was amazin'...did you like doin' that?"

"Yeah, it was...fun, I guess," Ennis replied, smiling shyly at him. He allowed Jack to pull him down into an embrace, thinking that they could sleep for a little longer.


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter 15**

_July 4th, 1963_

It was Independence Day, and the two young cowboys were sat near the fire talking about how they usually spent the holiday.

"My mama makes this cake, an' all our relatives come to see us through the day. I've got some cousins about my age, so at least I've got someone to talk to," Jack was saying, eating one of Ennis's biscuits. "When I was younger we'd play all day, runnin' around the fields. But you know how it is...people just grow up in the end. The guys all wanna go into the rodeo or run off to get married. The girls tend to find a guy of their own an' run off too, but some wanna be barrel racers."

Ennis was listening intently, liking the sound of Jack's voice as he reminisced. They were sat close together, close enough for him to feel Jack's body heat. They'd never had sex outside the tent yet; he'd been too scared of Aguirre catching them. But the sun was starting to set and Jack had talked him into staying in camp tonight to celebrate the day; perhaps he could be a little more adventurous. Just a week ago, he'd sucked Jack off for the first time and loved it; he was becoming slightly more confident at this.

"Anyway, what about you?" Jack asked, turning to look at his friend. Even though Ennis was fairly quiet, Jack still loved to hear him speak. He'd heard Ennis whisper things in his ear when they'd made love and it was so arousing to him. "What do you usually do today?"

Ennis shrugged. "Not much. This is my first since K.E. got married an' left me on my own. Last year, we was on that ranch in Worland I told you 'bout. The owners gave us a day off for it an' they had food out like yer mama. People would be drinkin', an' dancin', but...I never liked all that so I was in the corner all night." He knew that Jack was giving him a sympathetic look but pressed on. "We watched the fireworks an' then went back to the bunkhouse where we was stayin'."

"What about when yer parents were alive?" Jack asked gently, knowing that this was a delicate subject for Ennis.

"I was always real quiet anyway," Ennis replied, thinking about how this had increased after what he'd seen at nine years old. "Never really got into it. My dad always said it was just a way to get folk to spend their money, an' he never saw the point of it."

"Guess he wasn't patriotic then," Jack said, hoping to raise a smile. Ennis nodded.

"Not really. We always lived hand to mouth, Jack...couldn't afford to get into all that."

Jack nodded and decided not to press him for information. He knew it was a feat that Ennis was saying so much as it was. "Right."

They dozed off after this, Jack resting his head against Ennis's shoulder and curling up. Ennis smiled down at him and rested his head on top of Jack's, their hands finding each other.

A few hours later, a distant booming woke them up. They jerked awake in time to see fireworks going up in the distance. Jack grinned and stood up, watching them.

"Guess those are in Signal or somewhere close," he said as Ennis came up behind him. He turned and smiled up into Ennis's face. "Happy 4th July, Ennis."

"You too, Jack," Ennis replied before leaning in, drawing Jack into his arms and kissing him deeply. Jack was taken aback by his boldness but wasn't complaining. It felt somewhat romantic to kiss while the fireworks were going up and Jack was in heaven.

They pulled apart and Jack ran his hand down Ennis's chest. "So...you wanna make some fireworks of our own?" he asked lightly, peering up at Ennis seductively. Ennis grinned and started pulling him towards the campfire, hands reaching for his buttons. "Wait...what about the tent?" Jack asked, knowing that Ennis was scared about being caught, literally, with his trousers down.

Ennis pulled Jack's shirt off and threw it to the ground, becoming aroused when he saw Jack's bare chest. "Wanna do it here, Jack. Near the fire, with them fireworks goin' up...you wanna?"

"Hell yeah," Jack replied, all hesitation gone. He ripped Ennis's shirt off and they sank to the ground, kissing fiercely. He toed his boots off and saw Ennis doing the same as the fumbled for their zippers, eager to feel skin on skin.

In record time, Ennis had Jack on his back near the fire and was gazing down into his eyes, applying the grease to himself and revelling in the fact that this beautiful creature was all for him right now. He loved to be inside Jack, fucking him deeply while they kissed and touched each other, and now was the time.

He pushed into Jack in a single stroke and heard a groan. "Oh God..." Jack wrapped his arms and legs around Ennis as he was taken quickly, unable to protest even if he'd wanted to. The rhythm was quick and slightly forceful, but he loved it and tilted his head to the side, allowing Ennis to attack his neck.

Ennis knew he wouldn't last long, not while this aroused and while Jack felt this good. All it took was a few thrusts before he felt himself coming, shooting deep into Jack and practically growling in his ear. He felt sticky fluid hit his stomach from Jack and collapsed on top of him, panting and seeing stars.

"Fuck," Jack breathed. "We didn't last long, but...that was fuckin' good..."

"Or good fuckin'," Ennis replied, grinning into Jack's neck. Jack started laughing at Ennis's quip, heart lifting at how comfortable they were together. Maybe, just maybe, there was a chance for them. When Ennis pulled out of him and their eyes met, Jack knew that he would never love another as long as he lived.


	16. Chapter 16

**Chapter 16**

_July 10th, 1963_

Ennis felt conflicted; it had been a year to the day since he'd first met Alma and he wasn't sure how to feel. He thought he should be back in Sage, celebrating the day with her due to their forthcoming wedding. Instead he was up here, doing things with his male co-worker that he thought to be a sin.

He did feel guilty, especially when he knew that he didn't want this summer to end. He wanted to stay up here with Jack and just forget the rest of the world. No more responsibilities or obligations; just him and Jack together every day where they could enjoy themselves. His heart ached every time he remembered that there wasn't long left.

When he got like this, his guilt increased and he wondered how on earth he could go back to Alma after this. Whilst proposing to her, he'd thought that he loved her and wanted to be with her. But now he knew true love; the kind that blazed in his heart every time he was with Jack. He knew now how things were supposed to be and realised that he didn't love Alma after all. But that was irrelevant; he had promised to marry her and that was that. He did like her and didn't want to hurt her, and there was no way that he and Jack could be together in the real world. So his only option was to continue with the engagement and try to forget about Jack when this job was over.

He rode into camp that morning and Jack noticed that something was wrong. Ennis's shoulders were hunched up and he looked as if he was deep in thought. "Hey," Jack called to him, standing up. They'd gotten into the habit of greeting each other with a kiss when they were reunited and he hoped that today would be the same.

But Ennis barely registered him, nodding with a mumbled greeting. Jack felt confused. "You okay?" he asked, hoping that Ennis wasn't injured or anything.

Ennis looked at him, biting his lip. "I ain't sure you wanna know, Jack," he said; they had silently agreed not to talk about their lives away from here. Jack walked up closer to him, giving him a gentle nudge.

"Sure I do, bud. What's on yer mind?" He reached out to try and take Ennis's hand, but Ennis stepped back. "Ennis?"

"Today, it...it's been a year since me an' Alma met," he said quietly, not looking at Jack.

"Oh...right," Jack replied, trying not to feel hurt. This was supposed to be a one-shot thing, just a summer affair that couldn't go anywhere, and yet it hurt so much to remember that Ennis would be marrying someone else.

"Jack...I don't wanna make you feel bad," Ennis said to him, seeing the pain in those blue eyes. "I just...it ain't easy to remember that when we-"

"When we're what?" Jack challenged, turning to face him. "You can't even say it, can you? We're fuckin', Ennis! Havin' sex, whatever you wanna call it. An' now you feel bad 'cos of Alma. You shoulda thought of that before you said we could carry this on. You had a choice, an' you coulda told me to stay away from you. But you let this happen!" he snarled, pointing a finger at Ennis. "The first night was my doin', an' I know that. But the rest was down to you."

"Jack...we both wanted it. An' now...I'm dreadin' the end of the summer," Ennis admitted.

"Right, 'cos then you'll be missin' yer little fuck buddy when yer married to Alma," Jack replied, seething. Ennis looked defeated, unable to continue arguing.

"Jack...I...I dunno what to do," he admitted. "You know we can't...not away from here. I promised her. An'...this can't go nowhere."

Jack closed his eyes, knowing that Ennis was right. "Yer right," he said quietly. "So why are we even still doin' this? I know that this is a one-shot thing, an' that we can't do it no more when the summer's over..." He turned back to face Ennis. "So maybe...we oughta stop this now. Just get back to the work an' forget everythin' else. Might make it easier when this is over."

Ennis could feel his heart breaking and he stepped back, trying not to show any emotion. He still wanted to enjoy his time with Jack before they had to leave, and he didn't want things to end this way. "Yeah, maybe," he replied, and Jack hated the sadness in his voice. He didn't want this either. "I'm gonna go back up to the sheep..."

"You ain't eaten," Jack reminded him. "Let me make you some breakfast at least." Ennis shook his head, still backing away.

"Not really hungry. Got some of them biscuits left...be back for supper." Jack nodded, his mind screaming at him to grab Ennis and never let him go. But he couldn't move as he watched Ennis mount his horse, wishing that they could redo this conversation and make it right.

When Ennis was gone, Jack went into the tent and buried himself in the bedroll, catching Ennis's scent in the material. Tears sprung to his eyes but he couldn't allow them to fall. This was for the best, he told himself as he tried to resist the heartache growing inside him. They would go back to their jobs and then back to their separate lives; there was no room in the world for two men who loved each other, at least not in this part of it.

Ennis rode back up to the sheep with a heavy heart, wishing that he could be braver and tell Jack how he really felt. He thought that if he told Jack he loved him, it would somehow fix everything and they could find a way to make it work. But this was the way that things had to be, and there was nothing for it now. He would just have to try and forget the man he loved.


	17. Chapter 17

**Chapter 17**

_July 14th, 1963_

They were sat by the fire, not speaking. It had been four days since they had agreed to spend time apart and just go back to the job, and they missed each other immensely. Ennis was sleeping in the main camp right now and Jack knew he should go up to the sheep, but he couldn't tear himself away. Even if they couldn't be together after this summer, he still wanted this time with Ennis.

He looked over and saw that Ennis was staring into the flames, his mind elsewhere. Jack sighed and decided that he'd had enough.

"Look, Ennis...I can't stand this no more. I've hated the last four days," he started, and Ennis turned to look at him in surprise. "I know we said it's for the best, but-"

"Jack...we can't do this when we leave. You know that," Ennis reminded him, but Jack shook his head and crouched near him.

"I don't care, I just...I just want this time with you if nothin' else. I'm goin' crazy over here...I..." He grabbed Ennis's hands and pressed their foreheads together, like he did on that fateful first night last month. "Come on...you know you want this," he whispered, making Ennis meet his eyes. "I ain't gonna force you, but I know you wanna keep this goin' as long as we can..."

"Jack," Ennis weakly protested, trying to ignore his erection. "I can't...we can't..."

"Just this summer," Jack said quietly, squeezing his hands. "That's all I'm askin'." He was willing to take anything he could get right now; he just couldn't stand the thought of them parting ways like this.

Ennis looked into those deep blue eyes and knew he was done for. "Oh fuck it," he breathed, grabbing Jack's face and crushing their lips together. It felt like oxygen after slowly suffocating and he knew he needed this. Jack's lips were moving against his frantically, their tongues sliding against each other and exchanging saliva.

When they finally broke apart, they were breathing heavily and their eyes were wide. Neither of them had quite realised the effect they could have on each other, yet here it was. "You wanna...?" Jack gasped, nodding towards the tent. Ennis didn't need any time to think; he grabbed Jack's hand and pulled him to his feet, kissing him once more as they staggered to the tent.

They fell onto the bedroll with Jack on top, who was fully expecting Ennis to roll them over. But he soon became distracted by Ennis's gaze. "What?"

"I..." Ennis started shakily, unsure of how to ask for this. "I want you, um..." He gulped. "You know..."

Jack's eyes widened; Ennis wanted him to fuck him? "Are you askin'...?" Ennis nodded.

"Yeah...I need you like that, Jack. Been wantin' it for the last four days, but we said we shouldn't carry on, an' I just...you was right, okay? I want this, but only for the summer. We can't after this, remember?"

Jack nodded and cupped his cheek. "Alright, bud. Can't say I haven't thought 'bout it myself...just didn't know if you'd ever want it like that."

"I do," Ennis whispered, and Jack nodded. They slowly undressed, keeping their eyes on each other and Jack murmuring to Ennis that it would be alright.

"I ain't gonna hurt you," he said softly. "I mean, it does hurt the first time but you'll get used to it. You know I wouldn't hurt you on purpose, right?"

Ennis nodded, feeling terrified and excited at the same time. He did want this, but he couldn't deny that he was scared of the aftermath. Would this make it even harder to say goodbye to Jack at the end of the summer? What about Alma? Could he really marry her and give her children if he allowed this to happen tonight? He didn't know, but he didn't care right now. He and Jack needed this.

Jack greased himself up and nudged Ennis's legs wider apart. "It'll be easier if you lift them," he instructed, taking hold of them as Ennis raised his hips. "Just keep them around me, okay?" He shuffled forward and Ennis eyed his dripping erection, wondering just how much this was going to hurt. He had hold of Jack's forearms, while Jack's hands were on either side of him. "If you want me to stop, just tell me. No harm done if you can't do this, alright?" With a nod from his visibly nervous lover, Jack slowly started to push in.

At the contact, Ennis bit his lip when pain started to shoot through him. Jack was stretching him in a way he never had been before and he was trying not to shout out.

"Just breathe," Jack told him, cupping his cheek. Ennis took several deep breaths before Jack continued, his head falling back when he felt Jack complete him.

"Oh God," he gasped, feeling a mixture of emotions. This did feel good despite the pain, but he had to regret how much he must have hurt Jack that first time. But Jack was being very gentle with him; he took Ennis's hands and laced their fingers together as he started thrusting, very slowly taking Ennis and smiling down at him.

"Feel okay?" he asked, and Ennis nodded; he found himself pushing back to help, making things go more smoothly. Jack leaned down to kiss him, their tongues curling around each other as they made love; there was no other term for it. They went a lot slower than normal; not just for Ennis's benefit but also because it was the first time in five days.

"Jack..." Ennis breathed; it was more of a sigh. Jack nuzzled his neck and moved faster, pushing in deep until he found the sweet spot. Little lights burst in front of Ennis's eyes and he felt himself coming, letting go with a groan. He was dimly aware of Jack reaching his climax and knew then that he was definitely in love; there was no hope for him now.


	18. Chapter 18

**Chapter 18**

_July 18th, 1963_

Ever since Jack topped Ennis for the first time, things had been different for them. While they were both fully aware that this couldn't continue after the summer, Ennis worried less about what they were doing. It would be very hard for him to say goodbye to Jack, especially now, but he just tried not to think about that.

He couldn't deny that he had enjoyed the feeling of having Jack inside him and part of him wanted it to happen again soon, but sometimes he thought about Earl and wondered if he might be heading down the same path. That just couldn't happen, and he reasoned with himself that it wouldn't if nobody found out. Only he and Jack knew about this, and they wouldn't tell anybody.

One morning, he awoke next to Jack in the main tent. He was supposed to take the role of herder today and he wasn't looking forward to being out there by himself. But if he was honest with himself, he didn't want Jack to be sleeping out in the cold either; he would prefer it if Jack was warm and could get a good night's sleep.

He let his eyes adjust to the morning light and then looked over at his companion. Jack was lying on his side facing him, one hand tucked under his head and the other resting on the material of the bedroll. He looked so peaceful there and Ennis didn't want to wake him, but they had to get moving soon.

Ennis leaned over slightly and caught Jack's scent, letting it wash over him. He could smell pine from the area where they worked, but he could also detect whiskey and cigarettes. These smells shouldn't appeal to him yet they did because they were part of Jack; he didn't understand it. He tried to do what Jack kept saying; to just focus on the here and now, not worrying about anything else.

He shuffled closer and wrapped an arm around Jack, pulling him close. Jack didn't wake up but he curled up in his sleep, head nestling in Ennis's collarbone. Ennis smiled at the sight and kissed the top of his head, wishing that they could stay here forever.

As he laid there, thinking and wondering, he felt Jack beginning to stir. He thought about moving away but realised that Jack would probably like waking up to this; he did seem to like it when they held each other. Ennis could only admit that he did too.

Jack woke up and was immediately aware of a strong arm wrapped around his middle; Ennis had been holding him. He smiled and opened his eyes. "Mornin'..." he said softly, and Ennis pulled his head away to look into Jack's eyes.

"Mornin' bud," he replied, smiling nervously. "Um...was thinkin' about makin' breakfast soon. But...if you wanna stay here for a while..." Truth be told, he would rather spend all day with Jack in the tent, work be damned.

Jack smiled and rose up to kiss him. "Well...maybe a few minutes, I guess. Sheep ain't goin' nowhere." He kissed Ennis a few more times before reaching for his hand, lacing their fingers together. "I like wakin' up with you," he murmured, wishing that this could be permanent. Ennis knew what he was saying but was sick of bringing it up; he didn't want to fight with Jack over this. There was nothing that they could do about the situation, so they simply had to enjoy what they could have together.

To cover his silence, Ennis squeezed Jack's fingers and started playing with them, running his own along them and seeing that their hands fit perfectly together. It was a very intimate moment, far removed from the way they used to be when they were just friends. The sex could be very emotional and make him feel so close to Jack, but this was different. This was more about love and he knew it, even if he could never say it. He also knew that he would never love Alma the way he loved Jack, but there was nothing he could do about it.

Jack seemed to know that Ennis was worrying again, and sighed inwardly. He couldn't seem to just let things happen, always fretting about the implications, and Jack wished he could just let go. But the four days in which they had stayed away from each other had felt like four years, and he didn't wish to repeat that.

"Ennis, look at me," he said softly, and Ennis slowly met his eyes. "Stop worryin'. You was right...this is how it's gotta be for us. I know that, an'...we'll just hafta deal with it." Part of him hoped that the longer they spent together and the more they explored each other, then perhaps Ennis would change his mind and decide to stick with this. He did feel sorry for Alma but had realised that maybe Ennis didn't love her after all. She didn't deserve a loveless marriage; he'd seen it with his own parents and wouldn't wish it on anybody.

"I know," Ennis murmured, nodding. "I just...ain't gonna be easy. I...I'll miss you, bud. As my friend, an'..." He trailed off, unable to describe Jack as anything more than a friend. It would just make things even harder. "Um..."

"It's okay," Jack soothed, cupping his cheek. "I know what you're tryin' to say. An' I'm gonna miss you too. Let's just not think on that right now, alright? Come here..." He brought Ennis's lips back to his and tried to calm him down, allowing Ennis to roll on top of him and bury his face in his neck. It was clear that their impending separation was affecting Ennis more than he let on, but Jack had no idea what to do. He knew that if he suggested staying together, Ennis would only tell him why they couldn't; it was a vicious circle that was bound to break both their hearts in the end.


	19. Chapter 19

**Chapter 19**

_July 20th, 1963_

It was a beautiful day, so Ennis and Jack decided to spend some time together and enjoy this while they could. There was a river next to their camp with a small wooden bridge that went over it, so they walked over to it after breakfast and sat down, revelling in the comfortable silence between them. Things had been a little shaky lately and they were starting to recover from it; they just needed to avoid thinking about the end of the summer.

Jack rested his head on Ennis's shoulder as he looked down at their reflections. He had to admit that they did look good together, and he so wished that they could be heading off together when the job was over. Ennis watched their reflections, too. As much as he wished they could be really together, he was scared of the repercussions. He didn't want anything to happen to Jack because of this.

"Nice day," Jack commented, looking up at the clear blue sky. Ennis also raised his head, nodding.

"Sure is...no clouds up there." He then turned to look at Jack and realised that there was a clearer blue than that of the sky; Jack's eyes seemed even deeper. He swallowed and looked away before Jack could catch him staring. He did like to look at Jack but refused to think about what that might mean; he just couldn't be like that. He did not want to admit it and it shamed him to think like this.

Jack looked over, seeming to know that Ennis was thinking too much again. He sighed inwardly and pressed his lips to Ennis's cheek, shaking him from his reverie. "Come on, let's go for a walk. We ain't done that yet." He stood up and offered Ennis his hand to pull him up; Ennis looked at it and then accepted, allowing Jack to pull him to his feet. His cheeks reddened when Jack smiled at him, and they headed off to the other side of the river. They had each explored this area a little bit to check that it was safe, albeit separately. Confident that they wouldn't get lost, Jack led the way while keeping hold of Ennis's hand.

They walked slowly, just enjoying the weather and the company. This felt a lot different to Ennis compared to the early days of their new relationship, whatever it was. He'd tried to convince himself that they were only having sex because they were lonely and there were no women around; that it was just about getting off. But if that was the case, then surely he would get no real pleasure from this, he reasoned with himself. Yet walking hand in hand with Jack in such a romantic place brought him the kind of joy that he felt in his heart and nowhere else.

_Then it ain't just sex, _he admitted to himself. _It ain't just 'cos there's no women...it's 'cos I...I love him. But we can't do this after the summer...people would kill us for it. Look what happened to Earl 'cos he lived with another fella. That ain't gonna happen to us._

After a few minutes of walking, they found a clearing amongst the trees. The sun was pouring down into it and Jack couldn't believe what they had discovered. _Talk about romantic, _he thought to himself. He looked at Ennis. "Wanna stop here for a while?" he asked hopefully, and Ennis nodded. They headed for the middle of the clearing and sat down, looking forward to a quiet rest together.

Jack eventually lay down, staring up into the sky while Ennis plucked at blades of grass; he wasn't completely at ease, worrying about the sheep or predators or someone finding them like this. He wished he could be more like Jack; not caring about the little things like that and just being able to let go and relax.

Jack had his eyes closed but he cracked one open, peering at Ennis. "You okay? You wanna lie back?" he asked, and Ennis finally gave in. He nervously lay down next to Jack, feeling fidgety and unsure of himself. Jack turned onto his side and planted a kiss on Ennis's cheek, drawing a smile out of him. He grinned and did it again, trying to cheer Ennis up. He kept kissing Ennis's face until the other man reciprocated, kissing him back and grasping his hand. They kissed a few more times until they were satisfied, smiles on their faces.

They couldn't ignore their attraction to each other for long. With a few looks between them, they were soon undressing and rolling around on the grass together, full of laughter. Ennis pinned Jack down and looked at him; the dark hair and bright blue eyes, not to mention his flushed cheeks and dimples. Ennis had never seen anything so beautiful, and couldn't help but lean down to kiss that mouth he loved so much. Jack willingly kissed him back, pleased that Ennis was enjoying himself for once.

"Whatever happens at the end of the summer, Ennis..." he started, holding his lover's face in his hands. "I want you to know...I've enjoyed this." He wished he could tell Ennis that he loved him, but he had no idea how Ennis might react. It was bound to only make their separation even harder, and he didn't want to do that.

Ennis gulped and gazed into his eyes, also wishing he could say what he really felt. "Me too," he said quietly, before kissing him again. The moment passed and they were soon sliding against each other in passion, their moans filling the air around them and scaring off any wildlife that might be around. Ennis nuzzled Jack's neck as they rubbed their hips together, enjoying how they could bring each other such pleasure even without penetration.

When they laid together afterwards, cooling off from their coupling, Ennis looked into Jack's face and felt his heart yearn for this man. He would never see him again when this summer was over, and the future looked very bleak indeed.


	20. Chapter 20

**Chapter 20**

_July 26th, 1963_

It was technically Jack's turn to go up to the sheep for the night, but he was preoccupied right now and couldn't exactly move with Ennis on top of him. They were lying in the tent together and kissing deeply, eager to make their bodies connect once more. Ennis was comfortable nestled between his legs and Jack loved it; he thought that this was where they belonged and wished it could be permanent.

But he tried not to think about that as Ennis broke away, now kissing his neck. "God, Ennis..." he sighed, closing his eyes in pleasure. "Love it when you kiss me..."

"I like kissin' you," Ennis breathed in his ear, surprising even himself with this admission. He knew it was true; he loved kissing Jack all over his body, especially his lips. They were very soft, but strangely still masculine and he liked pressing his own to them. "Feels good..."

Jack grinned, opening his eyes again. "Ennis...come on..."

"What d'you want?" Ennis whispered, biting his ear. Jack moaned.

"Fuck me," he breathed, raising his hips. Ennis could see how much Jack wanted this; he was already leaking and probably wouldn't last long. But that didn't matter; he wanted it just as much as Jack did. He nodded and grabbed the grease, smearing it over himself and then spreading Jack's legs further apart. He saw the darkened area of his destination and gulped; this was always such a pivotal moment that filled him with anticipation.

He looked into Jack's trusting eyes and saw the permission he needed. He knew that he had hurt Jack during their first time but had silently vowed that it wouldn't happen again. He was now aware of how gentle and loving he could be when he did this, and he wanted Jack to see that side of him.

Ennis felt Jack hold onto his forearms as he began to push in, taking it slowly so that they could savour every moment. As he made his way inside, he kept his eyes locked on Jack's and saw that emotion; the one that they could never speak of. He suspected that Jack had deep feelings for him but knew he couldn't ask; that would only make things harder when they had to leave.

Jack sighed when he felt Ennis complete him, managing to smile. "Ennis...feels good...havin' you inside me," he whispered, and Ennis braced himself, hands on either side of Jack. He felt Jack wrap his legs around him, while his hands stayed on Ennis's forearms.

"You ready, bud?" he asked, searching Jack's face. His lover nodded and he started moving, pulling out a little before pushing back in. He kept the movement slow and fluid, knowing that Jack liked it when he was tender. "Damn...feels good to be in you," he finally agreed, lowering his head to Jack's collarbone. He kept his hips moving, pushing forward with every thrust and drawing deep moans out of Jack; they were like music to his ears.

He saw that Jack was close, so decided to help him along; he took hold of Jack's erection and ran his hand up and down, grinning when Jack bucked in response. "Oh, fuck!"

"Come fer me, Jack," Ennis whispered in Jack's ear, and that did it. Ennis felt his stomach being covered in the familiar sticky fluid and soon followed suit, seeing stars in his eyes as he came inside Jack, shaking all over.

He collapsed onto Jack's chest, not caring if they became stuck together forever and had to live out the rest of their lives here. He'd heard rare cases of people having such intense orgasms that they had heart attacks and died immediately afterwards, and figured that it wouldn't be such a bad way to go. At least he would have been with Jack right before meeting his maker; if he could choose the way he died then that would be it.

Jack weaved his arms around Ennis's back as Ennis pulled out of him, feeling very content. "Mmm..." he purred, smiling to himself. "That was damn good..."

"Yeah..." Ennis breathed, wondering if he should share his thoughts with Jack. He didn't like to talk about death, but maybe this would help Jack understand how much he loved him. "Jack?"

"Yeah, cowboy?" Jack asked affectionately, running his fingers through Ennis's curls. Ennis almost forgot what he was going to say, but then rose up to look down at him. "Ennis?" Jack repeated, this time in confusion at the look on his face.

"Just had a thought," he started, feeling uncertain. "You ever heard of people who...get a heart attack from sex?" he mumbled.

Jack nodded, wondering where Ennis was going with this. "Yeah...like...they got off real good an' their heart couldn't handle it. Why'd you bring that up?"

"Well...I thought...if I could choose how I'm gonna go...I'd pick that. At least then...I'd be happy 'cos...I'd be here, with you..." He blushed and looked away, wishing that he could be more confident.

Jack didn't know what to say; aside from the morbid topic, Ennis was basically saying that he wanted them to be together when he died. Not together in a "couple" sense of course; he knew that. But he would be happy to die right after sex with him. Jack was humbled by this admission and he made Ennis meet his eyes. He didn't like this at all.

"Ennis...don't go talkin' about dyin'. We're only nineteen...ain't gonna happen for a long time. I get what you're sayin', an' it's...real nice of you. But I don't wanna hear you talkin' like that." He couldn't stand the thought of Ennis dying, especially if they weren't going to have any kind of life together. The future looked bleak enough as it was; one of them dying was only going to make it worse for the other.

He brought Ennis's lips to his for a few emotional kisses and then pulled him close again, dreading the end of the summer now more than ever.


	21. Chapter 21

**Chapter 21**

_July 30th, 1963_

Ennis couldn't sleep. He didn't understand it; Jack was right here with him in the main tent and they were still relatively warm from their earlier coupling. He kept looking at Jack; his lover's face was so peaceful, as if he had no worries in his life. But Ennis couldn't stop worrying; they only had just over a month left until they would have to leave the mountain, and that meant leaving Jack to go back to Alma.

If he was honest with himself, he didn't want to go back. He wanted to just run away with Jack wherever the road led them, and he cursed the world for how it couldn't be possible. Surely he and Jack had their flaws like anybody else, but he figured that they were essentially good people; he didn't want to hurt anybody and knew that his marriage to Alma would not be a happy one. He just couldn't love her now that he knew Jack; his heart would always belong to this rodeo cowboy.

Tears sprung to his eyes and he turned onto his other side, unable to look at Jack when he felt so miserable. He knew what he wanted, but he was terrified of what might happen if he took it. Part of him was sure that Jack would run off with him if asked, but then what? There were hateful people everywhere so it wouldn't matter where they lived; there was always the chance of them being hurt.

He had to go back and marry Alma as he'd promised, but he wished that something would happen to change that. Perhaps Alma might change her mind or fall in love with someone else; then he could go and find Jack and they could be together. Ennis was aware of how unlikely it was; he knew that Alma loved him and he wished that he could give her the husband she deserved. But now he knew that he never could.

Jack stirred and opened his eyes, blinking at his dark surroundings. He thought he'd heard someone moving within the tent and then remembered that Ennis was there; they had spent the night together again. He smiled when he saw Ennis's back and started to close his eyes again, but then heard a strange sound. It didn't take him long to realise that it was Ennis, sniffing beside him. Jack's eyebrows furrowed; was Ennis crying?

He rose up, seeing that Ennis was now starting to shake. Concern flooded through him and he shuffled up behind Ennis, careful not to spook him. "Ennis?" he murmured, and Ennis wasn't even surprised to hear his voice.

"Didn't wanna wake you," he replied, trying to calm down. Jack carefully snaked an arm around Ennis's waist, squeezing him gently.

"It's okay...what's wrong?"

Ennis bit his lip, wondering if he could ever tell Jack what he really wanted. "I just...got to thinkin' about the end of the summer, an' how I've gotta go back to Alma..."

"Right...well...you _did_ promise her," Jack admitted, even though it hurt him to acknowledge this. Ennis nodded.

"I know, but...Jack...the thing is...part of me don't wanna go," he choked out, squeezing his eyes shut. Jack felt his heart ache for this man, wishing that they could be together.

"I know, baby," he murmured, using the endearment for the very first time. Ennis blinked, but oddly enough he liked the word coming from Jack. "I know...but this is how it's gotta be; we agreed on that. I think about the guys who take part in the rodeo an' I know that folk like them won't like stuff like this. Them good old boys down in Texas...they'd hurt us, Ennis..."

_There's folks up here who'd hurt us, _Ennis thought darkly, but didn't say this. "Yeah...wish it wasn't like that. Then we could..." He trailed off, wishing that he could just tell Jack that he loved him. But he'd never said those words in his entire life and didn't know how to do it now.

"Ennis...turn over. Look at me," Jack instructed him, gently tugging at his waist. Ennis rolled over and met Jack's eyes in the darkness. "I don't wanna go off without you neither, but...I've been thinkin'. You was probably right; we can't be together away from here, not properly. Alma's probably been plannin' he weddin' since she was five; all girls do. I don't wanna crush all her dreams, Ennis. That ain't fair on her."

Truth be told, it was killing Jack to be this courteous of Alma's feelings. He knew in his heart that Ennis didn't love her and he suspected that it would all end in tears, but he still wasn't the type to go stealing someone else's fiancé. He loved Ennis and it would hurt to let him go, but this really was for the best. They wouldn't get hurt this way; he had to let Ennis go by the end of the summer and that was just it. Jack knew he would never love another, and he would just have to deal with that. Ennis had been thrown in the deep end with all of this, and Jack wanted him to have a life that nobody would condemn him for.

His father had once called him selfish, for whatever reason. But if that was true, then this was the most selfless thing he had ever done. Letting Ennis go would be the best thing for all of them in the long run, and he would have to try and stick to it once they were apart. One thing he did know; if there ever came a time when Ennis decided he wanted them to be together, and he left Alma as a result, then Jack would accept and make a go of it with him. That was the only way they could be together; if Ennis initiated it and was willing to take that risk. But for now, he had resigned himself to a lonely life without the man he loved.


	22. Chapter 22

**Chapter 22**

_August 1st, 1963_

The sun was setting and the first stars were beginning to appear in the sky. Ennis thought it looked amazing, but he couldn't really enjoy it because it was his turn to go up to the sheep now; he had decided to stay with them through the night just in case. They only had one more month up here and he had to make a decision before then.

Over the past day, he had wondered what it would be like to leave with Jack. As scared as he was of something happening to them, he couldn't deny that his heart was yearning in that direction, trying to pull him along. He wanted more time with Jack and one more month wasn't going to cut it; he wanted years with this man. He was torn between keeping his promise to Alma and following his heart; he wished he could split himself in two so that he could make both of them happy.

Ennis looked over at Jack; he was standing by the dying fire, hands in his pockets and head bowed. Ennis wondered what he was staring at, but then realised that Jack was dozing on his feet. He smiled to himself and decided to wake Jack up enough so that he could get to the tent and sleep; clearly, their recent coupling after supper had tired him out.

He walked over to Jack and wrapped him in his arms, looking at his face. He still sometimes had trouble with the fact that he was doing this with another man, but he figured he could get used to it with time.

"Come on now, you're sleepin' on yer feet like a horse," he murmured, giving Jack a little shake and smiling slightly. Jack lifted his head but didn't reply; he was too distracted by the warmth at his back. It felt so good to have Ennis hold him like this; it gave him hope that maybe there was a chance for them after all. He knew he couldn't press the issue; if they were going to leave together it had to be Ennis's decision. Jack wanted him to be certain of his choice. "My mama used to say that to me when I was little...an' sing to me..."

To Jack's surprise, Ennis starting humming in his ear; a lullaby that his mother used to sing. He had loved her as much as he could remember her, and now he loved Jack too. Ennis didn't know how else to try and show Jack that he cared, so he gave him this gift.

Jack let his head drop as Ennis swayed him gently, feeling as if his heart would burst with the love he felt. This was different from the feeling during sex; it was more precious and fragile. Just a dozy embrace by a dying fire that he would treasure in his memories for the rest of his life.

When Ennis stopped, Jack lifted his head again; his eyes were still closed because he wanted to remember everything about this moment. Knowing full well that Ennis could choose to go back to Alma, Jack was trying to prepare himself for their impending separation. It would hurt, but he would remember moments like this. He would recall the love Ennis showed him in his own way.

"I gotta go," Ennis mumbled, swaying Jack a little more. He wanted to stay, but felt guilty about leaving the sheep so much. They were still here to work, after all. He also felt uneasy; Jack had informed him about Aguirre coming up to tell him about his uncle in hospital, arriving without warning. He didn't want them to be caught before he could decide anything. "See you in the mornin'," he said to Jack, giving his chest a light pat before finally letting go.

Jack felt colder than he should have done when Ennis moved away, and he finally opened his eyes as he turned to watch Ennis leave. He admired his lover's strong thighs as Ennis mounted the horse and the wonderful hands as Ennis gripped the reins. Those hands could be rough for sure, especially during work, but Jack could remember Ennis holding him many times; he had always been gentle since their second night together. Jack's eyes followed Ennis as he rode out of camp and into the trees, staring after him longingly and wondering what might happen in the next month. There wasn't long left, and if this was all they were going to have then he wanted to make the most of it while they still could.

During their rare night apart, both men thought about their situation. They both knew that they wanted to be together, but neither of them wanted to broach the subject for different reasons. Ennis was scared of the possible outcome if they stayed together, and Jack was scared of Ennis rejecting him for that very same reason.

Both of them would remember this tender moment in the years to come, both in good times and bad, and they would remember why they loved each other and would keep going anyway.

But for now, both were scared and somewhat unsure about their future, or if they even had one together. Ennis had a feeling that Jack was giving him space and time to make the decision, and he hated having to choose. One path would give him safety and security, and most likely a family; a life that nobody would hate him for. The other would expose him to danger and ridicule, but it would give him a life with Jack. He loved his friend, was in love with him, and he had to decide if it was worth the potential disasters that such a life could bring.

Ennis wasn't scared of what might become of him; he was more terrified of losing Jack. He didn't know if he could protect Jack from the hateful people that he knew existed in the world, or their tire irons.


	23. Chapter 23

**Chapter 23**

_August 4th, 1963_

Ennis and Jack were holding each other close as they rested by the fire, having dragged the bedroll from the tent so that they could sleep under the stars. Jack suspected that Ennis was okay about this while under the cover of darkness, but he wondered about what might happen in the morning. What if Aguirre or someone from the Forest Service caught them in such a position?

He told himself that they had no control over that, and simply huddled closer to Ennis as they enjoyed the warmth coming from the fire. He loved how Ennis had his arms fully around him, as if he never wanted to let go. Jack felt strangely safe in his lover's arms, and so wished that he was looking at years of this once the left the mountain.

"You alright?" Ennis murmured, rubbing his back. Jack nodded.

"I'm just fine, Ennis...feels good..."

"Sure does, but...you know what would feel even more good?" he replied, hoping that Jack would catch on. Jack grinned.

"Are you comin' on to me, Del Mar?" he asked in amusement, and Ennis blushed. Jack smirked at him. "How d'you want it?"

Ennis gazed into his eyes. "Want you, um...you know..." He still had trouble with talking about the actual mechanics of sex with Jack, and he wished he could be a little braver. Fortunately, Jack seemed to understand.

"Sure," he murmured, nuzzling Ennis's nose with his own. "From the front? All fours?" He didn't think Ennis would want the latter, but it was courteous to ask how Ennis wanted it. He didn't want to go doing anything that would make Ennis uncomfortable.

Ennis considered the different ways in which they had discovered they could have sex in, and finally settled on what he wanted the most. "From the front," he whispered, wanting to see Jack's face and kiss him as they did it. "That okay?"

"That's fine," Jack assured him, wondering why Ennis had asked that. He too wanted to look into his lover's eyes and kiss his lips as they made love; there was nothing better as far as he thought. "Come on..." He nudged at Ennis until they were rolling over, Ennis on his back with Jack settled between his legs. He trusted Jack while in such a vulnerable position, and Jack knew that it wasn't easy for Ennis to let him do this no matter how much he wanted it. He felt privileged to have earned Ennis's trust. "Just relax," he encouraged as he smeared the grease over himself, nuzzling into Ennis's neck.

He felt something poking his stomach and grinned; Ennis was certainly ready for this. When he had prepared himself liberally so as not to hurt his lover, Jack spread Ennis's legs a little further apart and looked down at him. "You ready?"

Ennis swallowed down his nerves and nodded; he remembered the first time they had done it like this and hoped that it would still feel good. "Yeah," he replied shakily, trying to calm down and just let Jack take care of him.

Jack kept his eyes on Ennis's face as he slowly entered him, ready to stop if Ennis should ask him. But he didn't; Ennis's eyes slid shut and a look of pure pleasure appeared on his face. Jack smiled and kept going until they were tightly pressed together, him deep inside the man he loved and ready to show him how he felt. "You feel good," he whispered in Ennis's ear as he started moving, kissing his neck. "Love doin' this with you..."

He felt Ennis wrap his legs around his waist and tangled his hands in the blonde curls, keeping his movement fluid and steady. He loved it when they went slowly; it felt so much more like making love and he wished he could tell Ennis all of this. Maybe one day he could.

"Jack..." Ennis sighed, letting his head fall to one side and exposing his neck. "Feels good..." Jack kissed his collarbone and gently bit at his skin, knowing that Ennis liked that. Then he kissed his way up Ennis's neck to his jaw, drawing a low moan out of Ennis. Both of them were in pure bliss right now as they rocked together, Jack pressing their lips together firmly and finding Ennis's tongue within seconds. He trailed a hand down to lightly touch Ennis's erection and felt him buck upwards. Ennis moaned into his mouth and Jack could feel his chest heaving as he started leaking between them.

Ennis couldn't believe how Jack was making him feel; even though he was straining for release he still felt as if he never wanted Jack to leave his body. It just felt so right for him to be there and he knew he had it bad for this man. _I love you, Jack...I swear I do...love you so fuckin' much..._

Jack took hold of him properly and moved his hand along; it only took a few strokes and a couple more thrusts before he felt Ennis shooting at his stomach, a strangled yell escaping from his mouth as he bucked. Jack wasn't far behind, thrusting even as Ennis released between them until he felt himself coming, filling Ennis with his essence and feeling as though he'd branded him.

They collapsed together, Jack seeing stars as he rested his head in Ennis's collarbone. Ennis was staring up at the sky with wide eyes, gasping for breath and feeling as though this had been one of their best ever times. He felt Jack pull out of him and felt his heart sink a little; he wished he could hold onto Jack forever and the comparison wasn't lost on him. It was strangely symbolic of their whole situation; to let go or keep hold. He wasn't sure which one to do yet.

But as he lay there with Jack on top of him, a heap of tangled, warm and sticky flesh, he knew he'd never been happier in his life.


	24. Chapter 24

**Chapter 24**

_August 7th, 1963_

Jack looked up into the darkening sky as the wind screamed around them, blowing the trees around viciously. He hoped that they wouldn't lose any sheep to this storm, but there was nothing they could do now. He did not want Ennis going up there in this weather.

He dashed around camp and tried to secure their things down while Ennis tried to get the tent sorted, but soon enough the hailstone came crashing down upon them and they retreated in defeat, eyes screwed up against the wind.

"Them sheep'll drift if I don't get back up there tonight!" Ennis yelled over the wind, worrying about the potential losses. Jack was trying to get the tent flaps shut.

"You'll get pitched off your mount in a storm like this," he shouted back. "An' wish you hadn't tried!" Ennis caught a large piece of hailstone in his hat and held it up, proving Jack right.

"Keep it closed!" he shouted, throwing the stone away and putting his hat back on.

"Close it up!"

They managed to get the flaps closed and tied, but it did nothing to keep them warm. Still, they knew they would be better off in here.

"Should get up to them sheep," Ennis muttered, sitting back and biting at a hangnail. Jack gave him a firm look.

"You ain't goin' up there in this weather," he replied, getting the bedroll ready. "You'll probably get hurt, an' I ain't playin' nursemaid if you fall off yer horse." He wished that Ennis could see how terrified he was of something happening to him out in the storm, but covered it up with feigned irritation.

Ennis looked at him and felt grateful to know that Jack cared about his wellbeing. Jack was right; it really was too dangerous for either of them to go out right now. Soon enough, Jack had the bedroll ready and they were exchanging nervous looks. "Um...you wanna get in?" he asked, and Ennis nodded.

They silently removed their hats, boots and jackets and crawled into the thin material. When they huddled close together to get warm, Ennis could smell Jack's distinctive scent again. All he wanted to do was curl up with Jack and hold him close.

_Sounds good to me, _he thought to himself, and he slid his arms around Jack's waist. Jack looked at him in surprise. "Ennis? What's with you?"

Ennis looked up into those deep blue eyes and shrugged. "Just...felt like holdin' you. Kinda cold, so...I figured we could try an' keep warm. If you wanna, um...you know...we can." His cheeks coloured and he looked away, but Jack smiled.

"We don't hafta go after each other right away, you know. Don't need to go to sleep yet...we've got time if you just...wanna lie here before we do it. You wanna talk or somethin'?" Jack knew that Ennis wasn't very confident at talking, but he did like to hear Ennis's voice in his ear. He thought that Ennis was a lot smarter than he gave himself credit for.

"Um...okay. You know...you ain't told me much 'bout bein' in the rodeo. I've only ever done the calf-ropin' a few times...never rode a bull." He trailed off, hoping that Jack would take his cue.

"Alright," Jack agreed, sliding his own arm around Ennis but keeping one free to trace Ennis's jaw with as he spoke. "Well...I dunno if you know the rules but I'll tell you anyway. You gotta stay on for eight seconds, until after the klaxon. Once yer on, there's only one way off an' the bull ain't gonna stay still for you to get off safe, you know? The only way to get off is to fall off, or get thrown."

"Does it hurt a lot?" Ennis asked softly, saddened by the thought of Jack being in such pain. Jack shrugged.

"Yeah, but there's the clowns who keep the bull away while you get up. An' if you break anythin' there's always someone to take you to the hospital. Ain't cheap, neither. That's why you gotta try an' win some cash; at least then you can pay if you need medical help, you know?"

"The winnin's any good?"

Jack nodded. "Few hundred, goes up a little more every couple years. When I won this buckle, I got five hundred. Storin' that away along with what I get from this job."

Ennis nodded, but then he realised that if he and Jack were to get together, they would be quite poor and might not even be able to afford to live together. It would include getting jobs, and that in itself might be problematic. What if someone figured them out?

Doubt was creeping into his mind, but he pushed it away for now. "Was yer old man happy 'bout you winnin'?" he asked, and Jack's eyes darkened.

"Thought he would be. My mama was real proud of me, even though she told me off for breakin' my leg. But my dad...I told them that I managed to stay on for nine seconds, an' I know that he was thinkin' why I couldn't stay on for ten. It's like I told you in the bar when we met; nothin' can please him."

Ennis felt sorry for Jack; it was clear that all he wanted was some approval from the man who should be his role model, his hero. He cupped Jack's face with his hand, stroking softly. Jack kissed his palm and sighed. "Anyway...I don't wanna talk about him. There anythin' else you wanna talk about, or...?"

With the possibility of sex, Ennis decided that any more talk could wait. He kissed Jack firmly on the mouth in response, drawing a laugh out of him. He liked to hear Jack happy like this, and so wished that he could make Jack really happy; there was only one way to do that, but now he wasn't so sure if he could do that. It seemed as if there were many obstacles in their path, most of them immovable.


	25. Chapter 25

**Chapter 25**

_August 12th, 1963_

Ennis and Jack were exhausted; they were finally all sorted with the sheep after the mix-up, but Ennis was convinced that some of the sheep they had now were not Aguirre's lot. But there was nothing they could do about that now; they just had to hope that it wouldn't affect their pay packet too much.

They sat around the campfire after dinner, neither of them wanting to move. Jack had to go up to the sheep soon and it was probably a good idea, given what had recently happened. But he kept thinking back to something that Ennis had said during their attempt to sort the sheep.

"_All these goddamn paint brands have worn off," he yelled at Ennis, dragging the sheep over by its legs._

"_Well, we gotta try," Ennis replied, trying to herd the sheep while the dogs ran around barking. "Least we can do is get the count right for Aguirre."_

"_Fuck Aguirre!" Jack shouted, frustrated and annoyed. He hated how they had to put themselves out like this just so Aguirre didn't lose any profit. _

"_Oh yeah, fuck Aguirre. An' what if we have to work for him again, huh?" Ennis shouted back. _

This was what Jack kept thinking about; them working together again. Perhaps Ennis hadn't truly registered what he'd said, but it made Jack wonder. What if they did this again next year? Would they be together or not? He kept wondering and hoping that it meant what he hoped; maybe Ennis was changing his mind.

He looked over at Ennis, who seemed to be finally at peace after the difficulty of the past few days. He'd taken his hat off, and Jack couldn't stop staring at the way his blonde hair curled around his ears. It had grown a little during the summer, and was now just tickling his neck. Jack just looked at him, seeing how beautiful he was and wishing that he could tell Ennis so. Even if he plucked up the courage, something told him that Ennis would not be receptive to such a comment. Words like that were surely only meant to describe women, not men. But there was no other word for him that Jack could think of.

He sighed inwardly and lay back against the log, thinking to himself. Ennis's eyes were still closed so Jack kept sneaking glances at him, yearning to just go over there and kiss him. But he didn't like to take Ennis by surprise; it might make him uncomfortable. Jack was very sensitive about Ennis's need to have a certain amount of control over this...whatever it was between them. He didn't like to admit it, but Ennis was the one holding all the cards; only he could decide if they had a future together.

Ennis opened his eyes and saw that Jack was looking a little down. "Bud? You alright?" he asked, looking at him in concern. Jack nodded.

"Yeah, fine. Just...thinkin' about goin' up to the sheep. Ain't sure I wanna go..." He saw the look on Ennis's face and knew that Ennis didn't want him to, either.

"You've gotta, Jack," Ennis told him, shaking his head. He hated every moment they spent apart but they did still have a job to do. "Look...you can stay here tomorrow night. When things go back to normal."

"That's generous of you," Jack snapped, standing up. He was sick of the fact that even though they were building a connection, there was still a high chance that Ennis would chicken out of anything more than this summer.

Ennis looked at him in surprise, and then also stood up. "Hey...what's with you?" he asked, walking over to Jack. But when he tried to put a hand on Jack's shoulder, his friend jerked away.

"Like you don't know," he muttered, not meeting Ennis's eyes. He wanted to tell Ennis how he really felt, and hated that he couldn't. Ennis looked confused and slightly hurt.

"Jack...I'm sorry, bud. You know I...I'd like it for you to sleep here with me every night, but...we've gotta mind the sheep, too. Still got work to do."

"This is still just a job to you, ain't it," Jack sighed, looking up at the sky; it wasn't a question. "Well, Ennis...it's more than that to me, an' you don't need no college education to figure out what." He moved away towards the mare and started getting ready to leave. Ennis's heart felt heavy; this wasn't supposed to happen. They weren't meant to fall for each other like this. But he knew that they had and he didn't know how to handle it.

He did the only thing he could think of. He walked over to Jack and spun him around, hands holding his face. Jack stared at him, wondering what he was doing. Ennis looked into his eyes for a few seconds before leaning in, pressing their lips together gently. Jack felt his anger melt away in favour of the love he had for Ennis and relaxed against him.

When they pulled apart, Ennis held their foreheads together. "Ain't just a job to me," he whispered. "I...care 'bout you, Jack. I dunno what's gonna happen after this summer, ain't really sure what to do. But...I reckon I can figure it out if you just give me time, alright?"

He really did want to be with Jack, but there was so much to consider before taking that leap of faith. There was Alma, for one. The possibility of someone finding out and hurting them, money, jobs...not to mention the day-to-day living. Could they even make it work long-term, out in the real world where they would encounter obstacles?

Jack nodded, pressing his lips back to Ennis's one more time. "Okay," he agreed, feeling slightly more hopeful than before. "We've got a month...an' I'll try not to put pressure on you." He looked up and smiled at Ennis. "Better get movin'...see you in the mornin'."

"You bet, bud," Ennis replied, giving him one of his own rare smiles.


	26. Chapter 26

**Chapter 26**

_August 15th, 1963_

It was the bitterly cold wind that woke Ennis up, making him blink and groan at the contact to his face. There was a bright white outside the tent and he got up, exiting the tent to find snow all around him. It took a few moments for the shock to wear off, and then he started thinking of Jack; surely he would like this.

The thought of Jack brought a smile to Ennis's face, and he packed up quickly so that he could head back to camp. The sheep were fine with the dogs, so he didn't feel too guilty.

When he arrived in camp, he saw that Jack was nowhere to be seen; he was clearly still asleep. Ennis dismounted quietly and walked over to the tent, wondering if Jack was close to waking.

Jack looked so peaceful as he slept, almost like an angel. Ennis crouched down and gently caressed the back of his head. "Jack?" he murmured, wanting to see Jack's face when he saw the snow. "Bud, wake up..."

"Hmm?" Jack mumbled, starting to awaken. He slowly opened his eyes and became aware of Ennis stroking his hair. "Ennis?" he asked tiredly, blinking at him. "What is it?"

"It's been snowin', bud," Ennis informed him, smiling. Jack's eyes lit up in interest.

"Has it?" he asked, sitting up now and peering out of the tent. "Hey...it's beautiful..."

_Sure is, _Ennis thought as he looked at Jack. "Well, I was thinkin'...after breakfast maybe we could..." He blushed and looked down. "I mean...I know we ain't kids, but..."

"We can have ourselves some fun," Jack told him, nodding and grinning. "Ain't often we get to see snow outside of winter. I'll start breakfast..." He started to move, but was pinned in place by Ennis's hands on his arms. "Ennis?"

"I'll do breakfast," he offered. "You just make sure you wrap up, alright?" He briefly kissed Jack on the lips before breaking away and leaving the tent. Jack smiled after him, liking this new tender side to his lover. Maybe it was a sign that Ennis was thinking about staying with him. They still had about a month to go; plenty of time for a decision to be made.

Ennis was attempting to cook the food in the cold when Jack emerged from the tent, moving slightly to allow Jack to sit next to him. He saw Jack's eyes darting around the area and thought it was so endearing to see him like this. He stroked Jack's cheek with his gloved hand and earned himself a smile. He loved it when Jack smiled at him; it made him feel like he was doing something right in his life. He wanted to make Jack happy and being with him might even make himself happy. That was something to think about as this month passed.

He finally got the food hot and handed some to Jack, who kissed his cheek in thanks and made him blush again.

When they were finished, Ennis was busy clearing away the dishes when he felt something cold and wet on the back of his neck. He turned to see Jack grinning at him, gloved hands covered in snow.

"Okay, Twist...you asked for it," he warned, grabbing his own handful of snow and giving chase. Jack started running, but not too quickly; he wanted Ennis to catch him and pin him down in the snow.

Ennis grabbed the back of his jacket and shoved the snow down his neck. "Fuck, that's freezin'!" Jack yelled, shaking all over at the cold. With his prey distracted, Ennis tackled him to the ground. "Get off!"

"No chance," Ennis said breathlessly, grinning down at him. Knowing that Jack was ticklish, Ennis unbuttoned Jack's shirt a little and flexed his fingers. Jack's eyes widened.

"No, no, don't!" he pleaded, yelping when Ennis attacked him. His shouts of protest were soon filled with laughter, a sound that was music to Ennis's ears. He loved the light in Jack's eyes and the pinkness of his cheeks as he laughed, showing those dimples that he loved. "Stop, or I'm gonna piss myself!"

Ennis finally showed some mercy and stopped, cupping Jack's face instead. Jack was looking up at him with such love in his eyes that it took his breath away. The three little words were trying to escape from both sets of lips, only holding back from the fear they still felt. Instead, Ennis leaned down to kiss those soft lips, drawing a sigh from Jack.

When they broke apart, Ennis nuzzled their noses together and saw Jack smile. "Ennis...it'd be good to stay here for a while, but...I'm gonna freeze if we do." Ennis grinned and stood up, pulling Jack up by the hands.

They brushed themselves off and Jack took Ennis's hand, curling his own around it and smiling tentatively. Ennis took a deep breath and squeezed Jack's hand before leading them back to camp. As they walked, Ennis felt completely at peace with the world. He couldn't quite describe it; everything just felt right when he was with Jack.

Ennis knew that he was in love, and as much as that scared him it also made him happy. He couldn't guarantee that they would be left alone if they got together; there was always the chance of someone finding out and hurting them for it. But on the other hand, he might be able to protect Jack. They could take care of each other and be happy, and surely it was worth the risk anyway?

When they reached the camp and decided to go and warm up in the tent together, Ennis knew that his heart was pulling him towards choosing Jack. If he was honest with himself, he didn't have the will to resist. He knew it would hurt Alma, but she would be better off in the long run. Now all he had to do was pluck up the courage to ask Jack; he would do so in the next few days and then everything would work out.


	27. Chapter 27

**Chapter 27**

_August 17th, 1963_

Ennis came riding into camp, looking forward to seeing Jack. He had ultimately decided to ask Jack this morning about them possibly being together after this summer, and he was hoping that Jack would say yes. He felt strangely nervous, and he realised that he hadn't felt this way when proposing to Alma. Maybe this was meant to be after all.

He spotted Jack taking down the tent and his brow furrowed; they weren't due to move to a new camp now, unless Aguirre had only just ordered it. What was going on?

"What're you doin'?" he asked as he dismounted.

Jack felt his heart grow heavy as he remembered Aguirre's words. He told Ennis about his uncle not dying from the pneumonia and about Aguirre's orders to bring the sheep down. He couldn't believe it; the summer was over and so was his relationship with Ennis. It would take them a couple of days to get back down to the bottom, but still.

"Bring 'em down, why? It's the middle of August," Ennis replied, feeling confused. He wasn't ready to go yet; he was still working up the courage to ask Jack to stay with him and now he was losing his nerve.

They discussed the supposed storm that was coming in and Ennis grew frustrated; this wasn't how things were supposed to be. Even if they did get together, he still wanted the remaining month up here so that they could figure out what they were going to do. He didn't want them to be thrown into this without preparation.

To cover up his disappointment, he started griping about the lost pay and how Aguirre was cheating them out of it. He hoped that Jack would see right through him and realise why he was really so angry; it was their only hope now because he was too scared to ask Jack what he wanted to.

"Well, I can give you a loan bud, if you're short on cash. Give it to you when we get to Signal."

"I don't need your money," Ennis snapped at him, pissed off that Jack didn't get it and that they were about to be separated. "You know, I ain't in the poorhouse. Shit..." He kicked at the ground and went to sit on a log, staring at the now bare campsite. There were so many memories of this place, most of them good as he'd fallen in love with his best friend. He just didn't know what to do anymore.

"Alright," Jack said quietly, turning back to pack up the canvas. He thought he knew the real reason why Ennis was so upset by the news, but since Ennis wasn't saying anything he didn't think he could just ask. He wanted them to be together and thought that Ennis might too, but it was too much to hope for now.

After a while, Ennis got up and headed for the hillside, removing his jacket as the sun started to rise and leaving Jack to his own devices. Jack didn't mind packing everything up; he sensed that Ennis absolutely didn't want to go even though they had to. Just two days before they would reach the bottom of the mountain, and he wasn't sure if that would be enough to make a difference. Maybe it was too late now.

He finished preparing the horses and looked over at where Ennis was sat on the hill, seeing the lonely figure that he cut by himself. Hoping to cheer Ennis up, Jack grabbed a length of rope and started up the hill, his heart full of love for the man he'd shared this summer with.

Jack formed a loop with the rope and swung it a couple of times before letting it fall around Ennis, tugging slightly. "Time to get goin', cowboy," he said quietly, and Ennis reluctantly removed the rope from around himself. _Wish I could hold onto you forever, bud, _Jack thought as he watched Ennis stand.

He swung the rope again and let it fall onto the grass just as Ennis's foot stepped there. Ennis got his foot caught and was soon on the ground, trying to pull a laughing Jack towards him. "This ain't no rodeo, cowboy," he growled as Jack landed on top of him.

They rolled around the hill together, initially laughing and copping a feel in the process. But Ennis remembered about their impending separation and how hard he'd fallen for Jack. Everything was different now and his life would never be the same again.

The next thing he knew, his nose was bleeding and he was on his feet, staring at Jack whom he'd just punched. He'd actually hit Jack and caused him pain; something which he'd never wanted to do. Unable to say anything and hating himself for it, Ennis grabbed his hat and left Jack there, reeling with shock.

Jack gasped for air, feeling light-headed from Ennis's right hook and wondering what the hell had just happened. Ennis had hit him. Blinking tears back from his eyes, Jack stood up and shakily followed his former lover back down the hill.

He watched Ennis change his bloody shirt and stalk off to be alone once more, and his eyes darted to Ennis's saddlebag where he'd placed the shirt. He wanted something to remember Ennis by when this was over, and he didn't want it to be a bruise on his face.

Quickly and quietly, he snuck over to Ennis's horse and pulled out the bloodied shirt, putting it into his own saddlebag without a word. He needed something to remember the love they had once shared; something that would hopefully ease the pain of being ripped apart from the man he would have given anything to be with.

When Ennis returned, they looked at each other but said nothing. There was nothing they could say now; as much as they wanted to be together maybe this was the best thing for both of them. They would just have to deal with spending the rest of their lives apart.


	28. Chapter 28

_Author's notes_

_Hey guys! This is the last chapter of the story, hope you all enjoyed it despite its nature. I have decided what I'm going to write for the one shot that I asked you all to make suggestions for, and that will be posted tomorrow. Then on Sunday, I will be posting the first chapter of my brand new story, the sequel to Living In The Now. It will be called Always A Silver Lining, and look out on my livejournal for a recap of the original story to refresh your memories before the new one starts._

_Happy reading!_

_Kathryn_

* * *

**Chapter 28**

_August 19th, 1963_

It was time to leave. They had reached the bottom of the mountain and were now waiting for the sheep to be counted before Aguirre would pay them. Both of them knew that there would be a cut considering they had been cheated out of a month, but that wasn't registering on their minds right now. Both of them were thinking of the intimate moments they had experienced together, and not just sex. They were close, and knew that they loved each other. So both of them hated how it just couldn't happen.

As they waited, Ennis could hear his mind screaming at him to say something to Jack; to tell him that he didn't want to be without him. But how could he now expect Jack to stay with him after that punch? He didn't deserve Jack's love after that and thought that Jack would be better off without him. His temper was known to flare up at any moment and he didn't want to hurt Jack again.

Meanwhile, Jack was trying to figure out what he could say to reassure Ennis that there were no hard feelings. He understood why Ennis had hit him; it had simply been out of frustration. But it didn't make the bruise hurt any less, and he knew that his mother would be wondering how he'd got it. He could never keep secrets from her anyway and didn't want to; he needed to talk to someone about this.

"Half of these didn't go up there with you," Aguirre told them, clearly not happy with the result. "Count ain't what I'd hoped for, neither." He turned to them, shaking his head a little. "You ranch stiffs...you ain't never no good." He walked away to his car, leaving them to contemplate the end of their job in silence.

Eventually, the pair of them moved and were taken back to Aguirre's office. He paid them with a few more sneering words and then told them to leave. Both of them knew that they had received quite a cut, but said nothing. He had shotguns, after all. Jack headed over to his truck and inspected the bonnet; he knew he would need to get it going again if he was going to reach Lightning Flat.

He bit his lip. "Ennis?" he called to his friend, who was rifling through his bag. "Could you...help me get this goin'?" he asked nervously, and Ennis nodded. Jack got into the truck and started the engine, hearing it cough and splutter.

Ennis knew a few things about trucks, and he set about trying to get the engine fixed so that Jack could get it going. He hated this; he didn't want Jack to go and was yearning to tell him, so why couldn't he get the words out?

It took a few tries, but eventually it was cleared and the truck started going. Jack grinned in spite of himself and got out, remembering what was about to happen.

"Left my damn shirt up there," Ennis muttered, and Jack decided not to tell him. He needed it.

"Yeah?" After a pause, he asked, "You gonna do this again next summer?" He knew that he sounded hopeful, and he remembered Ennis talking about them working here again.

"Maybe not...like I said, me an' Alma's gettin' married in November, so, uh...try an' get somethin' on a ranch, I guess." Jack nodded, feeling his heart sink in his chest. He was still going to marry Alma despite what had happened between them. Had it meant so little to Ennis? Had it just been a one-shot thing after all? "You?"

"I'm gonna head up to my daddy's place," Jack replied, wishing that he had a place of his own. Maybe then he would have something to offer Ennis. "Give him a hand through the winter. I might be back...if the army don't get me." That was always a possibility; Vietnam was still going on and he could get drafted. That wouldn't be the worst thing; there was nothing for him here.

Ennis tried not to imagine Jack in a life-threatening situation; the prospect made him want to pull Jack close and never let go. He didn't want Jack to get hurt. But as usual, he couldn't express what he felt.

"Guess I'll see you around, huh?" he said, squinting at Jack in the sunlight and trying to memorise his face. He would be seeing those blue eyes in his dreams for a long time to come.

"Right," Jack replied, wanting to grab Ennis for one last kiss. But there were too many prying eyes here and he knew he would regret trying. He looked up to see Ennis moving away and got into the truck, driving past his friend and the love of his life into an unknown future.

He glanced at Ennis in the rear-view mirror, wondering how on earth they had managed to find each other in a world like this. He knew he couldn't give up, not on something that he knew was meant to be. He didn't want anybody to get hurt, but he knew deep down that Ennis loved him even if he couldn't say so.

He recalled the nights in the tent, when they had held each other close and kissed and made love, and he felt sure that they were meant to be together. He just couldn't give up on this no matter how hard he tried.

Jack smiled to himself as he drove on. _I'll see you again one day, Ennis Del Mar. I love you too much to let you go...you ain't gettin' rid of me that easy._

Ennis stared after the truck, wishing that Jack would turn around for him because he didn't have the strength to go after Jack. He hoped to see Jack again one day, and even through the pain he felt when he staggered into the alleyway he felt his love for Jack blazing in his heart. Nothing could stop a force of nature.


End file.
